Storytime - The Return

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..."Thank god we have been blessed with imortality due to a defect in Xavs time machine - its a good job Xav isn't a genuine genius". Knowing that they couldn't be destroyed, their hopes of finding the first diamond began to look better, and what made them even happier was seing...
 
...a giant meatball roll into tea lake. "That's a big meatba--OW!" said bill as he stumbled into a tree. A few minutes later bill discovered that max had eaten the entire meatball by himself aqnd was now poking a stick up his ass. "why are u doing that, max?" asked bill. "Because...
 
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..if i can get the stick up far enough i can get some un digested bits of meatball out of my ass so you can have some to eat :)


and he poked and prodded and poked ..bill meanwhile was getting a little bored of all this so when he thought Max wasnt looking he gave the stick a great big boot and the whole lot shot up max's ass eeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

max shouted as the stick shot up and forced his whole body into and upright position .

bill at this point was stairing at a shinney jem stone on the floor that had shot out of maxes mouth as the stick shot up

" I CARNT BEND THIS STICK IT STOPPING ME"said max crying

" OH DO SHUT UP PLEASE" said bill

"BUT IM IN SO MUCH PAIN AWWWWWWWWWWW"said max

"SSSSSSSHHUUSSSSSHHH for christ sake its allways me, me, me with you isnt it now go and sit down over there ....well ok then just stand , seeing as you carnt bend" said bill




"i hate you blehhh ,i hate you grummble blehh rummble ppoo hate grrrrrr" max muttered as he waddled off picking splinters frin his sphinkter


"my god max come here quick"said bill

"but you just said to go here ffs" said max


"JUST HURRY IVE FOUND IT IVE FOUND THE FIRST DIAMOND" "it must have been in that Meat ball" said bill


"FAGGOT" said max

"NO it was a meat ball!!!" said bill


" no your a faggot fs ,,look lets get one thing straight ok,, now i may have a stick up my ass but im the brains of this opperation not you so i think you should drop that shinney pebble on the floor and walk away OK .....OOOOOOKAAAAAAAAYYYYY?" SAID MAX

so bill did what he was told and dropped the stone

and max shouted " LOOK , LOOK WHAT IVE JUST FOUND ...THE DIAMOND YIPPEY IM SOOOO CLEVER TO HAVE FOUND THAT"


"ok smart arse lets see you pick the fucker up then mr ive got a stick up my bum ,hmmm? carnt can you!!!....ohh im so clever blah blah blah ,,,oh im so great nahh nahh nahh what the fuck you gonna do if i pick this little isty bitsy diamond up and dangle it over the edge of this 10,000 foot cliff hmmm come on what you gonna do about it ?? nah nah nah nah " said bill

and as he ran towards the 10,000 foot drop max could see the inevitable was about to happen closer and closer he got .......


and right at the edge as he was about to get his whole hand out streached over the drop he...































































































smashed his head on a tree the diamond flew into the air and bill hit the tree with so much force that it came crshing down right next to max whole tottally shit him self and shot the stick out of his arse along with meat ball and most of the meals he had , for the past 2 days.

and as max stood there in shock his hands out streached the diamond fell into his palm and he said
" i knew you would do that you pilock"

"now we must continue our quest to find the other jems"


but fist i think im going to kick you in the knackers for an hour to teach you a leason not to cheek me


boot---" ouaaaaaaaacccccch"

boot---" ouaaaaaaaacccccch"


and as the sun set and day grew into night the sound of a heavy boot meeting tender flesh could be heard for miles around and so the day ended and night fell


what will befall our two entrepid adveturers in the next day..........




twit twooo <--- atmospheric effects









--------------------------------END OF CHAPTER 1-----------------------------
 
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Chapter 2


God awakeneth, and enfurieth, he smitten Max and Bill with His Almigthy Wrathful Kidney Punch for living eternally, which was against His will. So God punisheth Max and Bill by having a million leaches sucketh upon them as an eternal damnation in hell.

Xav and Laetitia on the other hand were rewarded with a second chance on heart as eternal soul partners where they live a happy life with a little puppy named...
 
Fluffles, who promtly killed both xav and laetitia and ate them leaving their hearts beating on the floor :evil:. Alas, there were no more chances for these two who were to remain dead for the rest of eternity

meanwhile...
 
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Bill and Max had eaten all the leeches and climbed their way out of hell. Pulling Bill over the final edge from hell, Max said, now lets get on with finding this diamonds before that dick xav arives again....
 
...but as they reached the edge, the first thing Bill and Max saw was Phear stroking a jar of petroleum jelly. Scared shitless, they jumped back to hell were they fell in a huge fire and were burned and their ashes intermingled with the million other already present. In the meanwhile, the diamond landed into the hands of...
 
...max! Max had decided that he and bill should make clones of themselves just in case. This explains why the immortal (hear that, xav? immortal!) max and bill were burnt to a crisp. As they passed a large chunk of the moon, max heard someone calling his name in a screechy voice. As max went towards the voice, he turned a corner and ran into a tree. "That's my job!" yelled bill as he ran into tree after tree to make up for max's mistake. This was max's reply...
 
"Gonads and strife!"

"what the hell are you talking about?!" asked max.

"uhhh, i dunno. it just popped into my head..."

"moron, complete moron." muttered max

"what was that?"

"i said you're a moron!"

"oh...ok" said bill with a smile on his face

"do you know what a moron is?"

"uhhh...
 
ahhh a more on i know what a more on is
its one of those people that says ohhhhh go on put some more on :)


so happy in the knowledge that they knew exactly what one was they started to walk


after an houre or so max said to bill
" lets stop here and camp for the night "]
so they stopped and built a small hut with running water a shower ,celler,2 bedrooms and a living room.

then deciding it was such a nice night they would sleep next to the fire under the stars


and as the moon shon brightly and the sound of creatures stireing in the night began
max started to tell a ghost story

and the story whent like this"......
 
"I'm a ghost. BOO!"
"is that it?" asked bill
"uhhh, ya..."
"great story, max!" said bill enthusiastically right before walking into a tree.
"why thank you" said max happily, "do u have a ghost story?"
"yes, and it goes something like this...
 
...BOO! the end"
"wow, that was even better than mine!" said max
"how did u suddenly get as stupid as me?" asked bill
"i blame inferno"
"oh? why?" asked bill
"because he's the one writing this crap!"
sorry
"that's okay. just don't do it again" said max
okay
"anyway, i'd like to tell a different ghost story. one with cheap thrills and a man name phil who constantly walks into trees." said max
"oh, goody!" exclaimed bill as he clapped his hands.
"it all began when...
 
a man named Phill walked into a tree and ...decided to start an unreal tournament league which everyone thought was a load of shhh...
 
...shirts because they were doing laundry."
max went on for hours and hours and finally finished his ghost story which didn't have any ghosts or monsters in it at all.
"The End!" cried max
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! don't yell, fs" said bill
"well, it's morning, we'd better go look for...uh...what were looking for?"
"we were looking for...

NOTE: Phil was in no way based on a giant tomato.
 
some breakfast its been days since we last had something to eat and i could murder a nanna or two or even a bacon buttie so they head of looking for a greasy spoon cafe
 
On their Max and Bill passed a "Tree Ranch". "Tree Ranch?", they wondered. They looked in the vast field, and could see a multitude of trees grazing and suntanning in the fields, walking around on their roots. The trees could walk! Upon seeing Bill, all the trees suddenly rushed him. "Holy Fuck" the dynamic duo exclamed as they scampered away, "they're after us!"

Fortunately for them the trees were held back by an electric fence, but it made our protagonists realize that Bill wasnt in fact bumping into trees, but rather trees were jumping out in front of him in a pathetic attempt to slay him. Soon, they were to realize that this was all a big conspiracy against Bill to...
 
make him stop sending all those nasty red letters to everyone and to stop asking for money they anit got, to which bill reply`s...
 
you have 28 days to responde to this letter if you fail to do so you debt will be forwarded to a debt collection agency and your creadit rateing will be affected ,this may cause problems if you ever wish to apply for a bank loan or morgage.
if you have allready payed or your payment is in transit please disrgard this letter.

"God" ,said max "dont you ever stop"

"Money makes the world go round m8" replyed bill

"no i think you will find that the world is part of a planetary solar system that is eternally spinning round a huge star which itself is spinning round in a galaxy of stars wich in turn is spinning round in a univers of.......
 
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