Storytime - The Return

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...adjusts himself. "Ahhhhhhh, thats better... trapped a bollock. What time does the pub shut btw, is it last orders yet?"... And so the duo marched off to the pub. After several pints, a strange old man smelling of whiskey and urinal biscuits walked over to them, waived a gold encrusted note in front of their faces and dropped dead on the floor. The note landed on Max, and it read:
 
Thinking that this is obviously what he must do, Bill orders the 2 pints and the yogurt from the barman. When they arive Bill proceeds to mix the yogurt with the beer and drink it. After :puke: for several hours, Max walks up to Bill and shows him the reverse side of the note, it reads...
 
"Hrmmmm", thinks Bill - and he whips out his laptop and logs onto practicaljoker.com. He finds the website has been defaced with instructions on how to find the first diamond. His first quest was to....
 
...pay a visit to the Old Hag of Naarm Hill. Bill turned towards the little ape, fear crawling across his weathered features, sweat bursting from every pore.
`Jesus, Bill' said Max, `How evil can this woman be?!'
`I think i've left the Iron on', said Bill. The monkey sighed, checked the compass and set off towards the hill with Bill stumbling along behind, occasionally pausing to check if his shoes were on the right feet.

`Look up ahead' cried the monkey `Its a clearing'.
Pushing the branches to one side, Bill suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. `Look at the size of that!!' he said, pointing at the largest.....
 
...roll instead of walk!" Bill thought that sounded like fun and ran into another tree. "wrong way," said max. "oh...right," said bill. As bill got closer, the marsh mellow...
 
Bill screamed "oh my god, its getting bigger and bigger!". Shut up you idiot cried max, your just getting closer to it, things always look bigger the closer you get to them. Max walked up to the marshmellow and took a bite...
 
`Bill, Billlll!!!' cried Max at the top of his voice as he flew higher and higher into the moist, blue sky.
`What?, shouted Bill, not really knowing where to look `cos he lost track of the monkey soon after `take off'.
`I can see the pub from 'ere!!', said the skybound ape. `....and i can see a Cottage. Must be the Hags drum'
`Lets go' said bill, walking into another tree.

After landing in the remains of the once giant marsh mellow, Max scampered after Bill and on towards the mysterious abode.
Tapping on the rickety scared door, a cackly voice from within said...
 
paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp


he let of the biggest fart that had ever been heard the vibrations could be felt for miles around

Max suddenly had an ipifany then a callipso and a magnum

bill was a bit pissed of coz he didnt share any :(

Max then thought hold on a min if i get bill to chop down on thes marshmello and hold on tight i can use then foolish fop to transport me round the world ;)


and so the airborn dueo relentlesly farted there way to there next desination ,,Manners ville ..on landiing they read a sign that said

No farting
no belching
no cups of tea without useing thum and fore finger
all crimes punishable by death

Max was horrifide bieng a primate he lacked an oposable thumb

at this point the town gurds men with a huge tea caddy and said


"as a welcome to our town we would like to extend to you are custom of offering tea not excepting are tea is bad manners"


Max was just about to jump on bill and pull the cork when .....
 
...the moon exploded! As large fragments of the once magnificent celestial body fell to Earth...
 
they flew towards the town and right for the cup of tea.
The cup was blown into little pieces and tea splashed everywhere...
 
...which formed the smallest lake in all the land which bill called Tea Lake (he isn't very creative). Tea Lake was 7 meters long and 3 meters wide. This new lake had many trees for bill to walk into, which he did. After waking up several hours later, bill...
 
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...yet as he put his glasses on, the rays of the sun converged onto a nearby fuse, which instantly sparked, sped along the ground and set off a gigantic nuke in India, destroying Max, Bill and the world's whole human population, except for two people, a handsome chap name Xav and a strapping buxom young lady named Laetitia (for argument's sake lets say her last name is Casta :naughty: ). The blast propelled them both do a desert island, where they really hadnt much to do. So Xav spotted a video camera, gave Laetitia a wink ;) and said...
 
Using the components of this video camera and my $10.99 wrist watch I can create a time machine which we can use to go back in time and prevent the nuclear explosion. 1 Blue Peter minute later xav had knocked up the time machine. He punched in the time and pressed a big red button. Xav and Laetitia were transported back in time and landed directly on the bomb, the bomb was crushed and its radioactive contents leaked all over Xav and Laetitia. Both were killed almost instantly but enough of the contents leaked out that the bomb was no longer active. The world was saved. Meanwhile Bill and Max, who had been watching the whole event, turned and looked at each other. Max said...
 
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