Storytime - The Return

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'how iam gonna tidy all those up' inquired the truck driver called bob 'I know i`ll tell everyone that there really weed spoons and sell em and make a packet'.....
 
RE:

hmm thats some fine quality shit u got there ajax how much? wait up that aint weed its spoooooons dunno i f i can afford those
 
... suddenly a Chinese spoon salesman named (no money in laundry these days) appeared as if by magic (Chinese magic - very mystical) who had just opened a Cantonese Take-Away in the King's Road. In his haste he had forgotten to order plastic spoons to sell to his customers at 50 pence each. As he had just included Cantonese seaweed on the menu he saw the novelty and immediately offered Mongul a monkey for the lot. Thinking "Hmmm I won't need to work for a fortnight" Mongul immediately accepted and legged it with the cash...
 
...and now the monkey is making him lots of money in the Johny Vegas adverts...:)...
 
Bill realizes that he has a large enough build-up of carbon on his very own livingroom floor to make his own diamond. So with Max the monkeys help he compresses the stuff, squeezing and squeezing, but to no avail, all he succeeds in doing is.........
 
When he looks outside he can't believe it, thousands, no millions of bees, big large dark clouds of them buzzing around and what is that! Oh no, Britney Spears and Jenifer Lopez are running for their lives outside naked covered in maple syrup and hunted by them bees, what to do? He looks around and sees outside a small plane for spraying insecticides. Would he dare to go outside and use that plane, will he have the guts to go for it and save Britney and Jenifer their lives and if so how will they reward him? And where is the Chinese spoon sales man? Is he a Chinese spoon salesman? Or is he Mr-T indisguise? And where is Alice? And who the fuck is Alice?
 
Just then a Britney Spears song comes on the radio, and he realises that this is the perfect oportunity to finally rid the world of the demonic warbler. But on the other hand, Jennifers tits look lovely..:)hmmn, slurp slurp.....decisions..decisions........
 
He doesn't hesitate, he runs outside grabs Jennifer and makes a run for the plane. Together they take off, flying into the sunset after flying 3 circles round the house to make sure Britney gets what she deserves. With loud bangs her plastic tits explode when the killer wasps dig deep in them, only slowed down for 28.567 sec by the maple syrup. Then they eat her alive, soon only her poor carcas lies in the middle of a thick cloud of wasps. What a fitting end for such a lame teen pop-starlet who can't sing but only moan. Bill, the gentleman he is, gives Jennifer an overall which happens to be in the plane. He turns his head away from the two beautiful, firm, woooooooooooooeeeeef. Jennifer grateful for her rescue wants to satisfy his every need. But he is strong and refuses any gratitude, its after all, all in a days work. He is not in this business to take advantage of poor innocent young women. No, his goal is clear, get rid of them lame pop-starlets. The world would be a better place if more people would listen to hammond organ music. His secret passion, he has a collection of 10 restored hammond organs. All rescued from oblivian with his hard earned money.

What is there still left for him to do, do we hear a faint cry for help in the far distance? Will he go out and try to save more beautiful women? Or will he stay at home this night, playing his favourite instrument.....
 
he decides he carnt be arsed to play so puts some Doors on, tunes in turns on and drop`s out of the plane then realize`s on the long trip to the ground that he has no cute !!!!.......
 
He spreads his arms and starts to flap. Looks funny and clearly not helping. If only he had a cute, if only. After 5 seconds the rushing air cools his head enough to counter the effect of the mushrooms. after 10 sec he knows where he is and sure doesn't like the sight of mother earth rushing to him. What to do, then he notices he has something better than a cute, he has a parachute! Quickly, before its too late he pulls the strings and 'pflop' there opens the parachute. After another 5 seconds he lands a bit too fast on the concrete parking lot behind a hospital, breaking both his legs. Well, all in all not too bad, he is much better off than the poor family of 15. Their house was hit by the plane after he abandoned it, killing 12 and leaving the rest with third degree burns on their faces and arms. But at least, they survived after a 18 month period of intensive care and therapy. Bill did send them some choclates as an apology. What a guy! Bill's recovery in the hospital, with the sepcial care of nurse Sheila, famous for her soft hands and personal touch, was something he thought about afterwards with great appreciation. Such dedication that nurse, a shame that he was not able to cure her nymphomania, although he went to such great lengths to cure her. But alas, after 6 weeks, the last 4 not really needed but Sheila insisted he stayed a bit longer he left and went back to his office. What would his next job be? What perils were lying ahead for him in the future?
 
good job he had a cat flap fitted not to long ago else the tidying up he would of had to of done. Once settled down a bit he decide to log on the net and read his emails, hmm 3000 from kinky-cat-sex.com asking for more photos and one from a old chinese spoon salesman..............

Dear customer, we reget to tell you that the sea weed spoons you brought, where in fact copies which one of our warehouse men had swap trying to make himself some dosh (try our ex warehouseman spoons 50% discount) and as such all that you thought happened to over the last few 6 months has in fact been a dream brought on by the superhigh THC in the spoons, we humbly request your forgiveness in this matter and hope you accpet a woodern spoon in composation.

your sorryly

hewho pees hassore cocky

Hmm he thought, so its all been a dream ?

'knock, knock' hmm the door
'KNOCK KNOCK', suddanly the door breaks down and there is stood........
 
... a tall white Rhino wearing a bowler hat. The Rhino has long straight curly teeth, which are barely visible under a microscope.
He once again begins to wonder where the dream ends and reality begins....
 
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