Darn funny

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This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognisable lump of metal.

His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small." :mini:
 
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognisable lump of metal.

His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small." :mingun:
 
since this thread seems to have few readers:bawling: I unstuck it. And i will save the laughs for myself :P
 
Got a new one which i really enjoyed :)

A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches. After a thorough examination, the doctor turned to him and said: "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration."

"You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches you've been experiencing. So the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he eventually left the hospital Jerry was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt not to have a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also knew that he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a fresh start and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought to himself a new suit would be the perfect thing to mark this new beginning.

He entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said: "Let's see... size 44 long?"

"That's right, how did you know?" said Jerry, laughing.

"I've been in the business 60 years!" replied the tailor.

Jerry tried on the suit and it fitted like a glove. As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked: "How about a new shirt?"

Jerry thought for a moment and then agreed.

The salesman eyed Jerry again. "Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16-and-a-half neck?"

Once again, Jerry was surprised. "That's right, how did you know?"

"Like I said, I've been in the business 60 years!"

So Jerry tried on the shirt, and it was a perfect fit. As Jerry adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked: "How about new shoes?" Jerry was on a roll and so thought, why not? So the salesman eyed Jerry's feet and said: "Let's see... you must be a size nine-and-a-half?"

Jerry was astonished. "That's right, how did you know?"

"Well, young fella, I've been in the business long enough to know these things!"

Jerry tried on the shoes and they were also a remarkable fit. Jerry walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked: "So that only leaves the new underwear. How about it?" Jerry thought for a second and agreed.

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said: "Let's see... size 36."

Jerry laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head. "There's no way. I'm never wrong. You can't wear a size 34."

"Oh yes I can," replied Jerry "and have been most of my life."

"I don't understand," said the tailor. "By my reckoning a 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
 
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!! :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :D

this was one funny thread! first one for example

-50°C - the polar bears start to evacuate the north pole. The finnish army delays it winter survival camp awaiting real winter muahahaha

and also second joke, pure class :thumb:
 
As a squad of British soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled British soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, ‘Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of shit!’"

"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘Tony Blair is an unprincipled, lying piece of shit too!’"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
 
Here's another one :)

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave, you're a veterinarian."
 
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