Why are you not dead?...

  • Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!

    Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.

Useless

Useless

Bravo
Jun 14, 2002
5,886
63
Scotland
I'm bored, I'm on my break and I enjoy fantasising about other members of UTA in pain and suffering. I think my reasons speak for themselves, so tell me what the closest you've ever come to actual serious, final death is. The scarier the better. If you have never even nearly died you can get bent; you don't belong in this thread, you boring twot :fingers:

The closest I ever came to death was: I was using a hedge trimmer in the back garden and it's one of those big chainsaw efforts, but it's one you plug in, so you have this cable swinging around every time you move, and it's inevitable that you're going to cut it if you're not careful, which I totally wasn't (twice in the same day). :chainsaw:
Anyway, I cut the thing and the fuse inside the plug blows as a safety precaution, so I had to go inside and get a new one. So I go in and get a box of fuses and I tip them all over the carpet, like an idiot. They are all yellow and the same size, impossible to distinguish from one another.
I open the trimmer and remove the length of cable hanging out of it, since it's now useless; then I have to open the white wall plug and put a new fuse inside to make it work. I pick up any random fuse from the pile on the carpet and put it in, then I screw the plug closed, plug it into the wall and switch it on. I then pick up the other end of the cable, from which there are two bare wires sticking out, and realise I have to cut away the rubber so I can push these wires properly into the connectors inside the trimmer.
So I sit with these two bare wires in one hand while I cut out the rubber with a potato knife, then I fit them into the trimmer, screw the case shut and try to start it. It doesn't work, and that's when I realise that I had removed the blown fuse from the plug when I first came in, put it on the carpet, then dropped all the other fuses on top of it from the box of working ones. They all looked the exact same and it was pure luck that I had picked up the only blown fuse out of the pile of about thirty. I was holding bare fucking wires plugged into a live socket and I still don't know how I managed to pick the 'correct' one from that pile - any other and I would be six feet under :crap:

Hope this story brightened up your day :wave:
 
I've died many times...fell asleep at the wheel in Turkey once, car left the road..passed between two trees hit a big rock ( which woke me up) the I grabbed the wheel managing to pass between two more trees then got safely back on the road.

Same sort of thing happened to me in Holland but then I ended up in the water with my car. Much alcohol involved..nothing to be proud of. :( Also many stories involving all sorts of illegal chemicals..lets just say I'm a lucky shit) :nod:
 
I've been zapped with 220V four times. :P

Two times from dismounting sockets on walls we were supposed to break down, and putting terminal strips on the wires so things like THAT wouldn't happen. (And one never thinks about shutting down the main line for something as quick as that before touching the live wires, when you have worklamps, and machines running.
(I'm a carpenter, I know nothing about electricity!) :D

And another two times from plugging something into an extension cord outside, while it was raining hard.
(I know you have to go to the ER and let them take a look at you if that happens, but hey, I ain't dead yet!)

I also fell asleep for 5 seconds on the highway once in the middle of the night, but thankfully I was headed towards the free lane, and not the side when I woke up again.
 
Hmn... I got hit by 4 cars in a 2 month period but didn't suffer any lasting damage though I got flung 15ft by one. When mountain climbing I almost fell off the edge of a cliff... nearly missed by 6 inches or so.. and I was about 200yds away from the Atlanta Olympics bombing in 1996... so I missed serious injury by about 2 minutes on that one.
 
subZ said:
I've been zapped with 220V four times. :P

Two times from dismounting sockets on walls we were supposed to break down, and putting terminal strips on the wires so things like THAT wouldn't happen. (And one never thinks about shutting down the main line for something as quick as that before touching the live wires, when you have worklamps, and machines running.
(I'm a carpenter, I know nothing about electricity!) :D

And another two times from plugging something into an extension cord outside, while it was raining hard.
(I know you have to go to the ER and let them take a look at you if that happens, but hey, I ain't dead yet!)

I also fell asleep for 5 seconds on the highway once in the middle of the night, but thankfully I was headed towards the free lane, and not the side when I woke up again.
Click to expand...

We'd already counted on that m8 ;) :P
 
Was mountain biking down a hillside path and came to a sharp bend that I didn't see.. stopped with 1 wheel over the edge of a ~100ft drop.. that was quite scary :S

oo thought of another one.. an ex-m8 (hes a bellend) thought it'd be fun to drive very very fast over a humpback bridge one night.. we got a fair bit of air and landed right in front of an oncoming car which JUST managed to avoid hitting us, have to say.. that was pretty thrilling :D Ironically, the guy who was driving had written off his old car on the same stretch of road.. I dunno why I got in the car with him tbh :S
 
Last edited:
When I was a kid me and some mates found a black round thing lying in a field. It looked like either a stopcock from a toilet or (laughingly) one of those bombs you see in cartoons. It was spherical, made of some sort of carboard with a round plug in it, and if you shook it it sounded like some sort of powder inside. So us being us we took it home and opened it up with a sharp knife and emptied the powder inside onto the wall outside my mates house. Of course we had to test the bomb theory so I lit a match and set fire to the black powder. Result was a bright flash and me with burned and blistered hand. It actually turned out to be some sort of ancient grenade.

The things you do when you are young eh? One of my friends was into guns and managed to aqcuire some blank cartridges. Of course we had to make a fire and try set them off. I got shrapnel in my hand but I was lucky. He couldn't sit down for a few days after.

Several electric shocks from back of TV set when I was 16 or so with a habit of trying to repair things that I shouldn't ever go near but you know you can't stop yourself. Electric shock from old record player that wasn't earthed proper and I was nice and sweaty from lying in the garden. I would like to say I'm probably immune to shocks now but don't want to tempt fate.

First time driving abroad - just got off the ferry in France, was leaving the ferry port and about to pull out on dual carriageway, stopped, looked RIGHT and started to pull out. I don't know what made me decide to check left but I did in time to see a juggernaut coming towards me at 60 or so. Just stopped in time.

Umpteen shortcuts over the railway lines that ran across the farmland near my house. Dog got a jolt once but he was fine.

Edit: Actually reading this back it looks more like near-stupidity experience more than near-death :D
 
Last edited:
Nearly drowned myself as a kid cause i was so stupid to think a large rope on my ankle with a big fat stone would work as an 'anker' for me and the surfboard i was sitting on, but when i threw the rock off the board and realised the water was much deeper then i thought i was with my head under the water already, could just grab the surfboard by a strap where you can put your foot in otherwise i would have vanished in the deep..
 
This thread is like an entry page for the Darwin awards...

... I used to play with fire a lot as a child.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back