Smacking your children?

[Swyzz]

Some smacking was put down on my ass when I was a kid.. Only with a flat hand though.. and well deserved too..
I don't see there's a problem with that.. better a pain in the ass for 10 secs so you remember/learn than you run off doing something that might really hurt yourself or some1 else..
And that it makes kids think violence is acceptable is a bad argument.. Comes from a bunch of hippies... peace maaan...
Same ppl that'll go on about pc-games making kids insane killers..
There really is too much whining about how bad it is.. and that you should really talk to your kid about it instead. Then all will be oh so nice..
And look at the kids nowaday... fuck up in their little heads.. thinking they can do whatever they want. No respec, no limits.. it's all me me me (of course we shouldn't blame it on the lack of smacking alone)... All because of a bunch of wimpy parents.. I'm glad I'm not a teacher..
Time to put the smack down!

 

[Ajax]

if i did somethign wrong as a kid i knew i would get a tanning for it, so made dam sure i didnt or failing that, that my old man never found out

 

[Phear]

If I had a problem with your behaviour, would it be acceptable for me to strike you?

BB I don't find any rational in that argument. The is a very big difference between 2 adults disagreeing and a parent and child doing the same. As you and DT have clearly shown, 2 adults can (hopefully rationally) argue it out, but at the end of the day, if they don't agree they can just walk away and not speak to each other. This goes for any 2 adults really, be they friends, partners etc.

With a parent and child this isn't possible, of course I'm assuming that your not just gonna walk out on your kid if it misbehaves. Also with 2 adults it is a disagreement, with a child you are trying to teach it a lesson, IMHO there is a world of difference

 

[Mr_Bungle]

A slap on the behind for very,very bad behaviour is in my opinion reasonable.I could count the number of times it happend on one hand,there were no grim excesses.

My parents were supportive and loving.They brought up 3 polite,well ajusted sons who have a strong sense of justice,social behaviour and right and wrong.(yeah yeah me included)

Me and my brothers got a slapped bum if we did something really naughty,and despite the great upbringing(described above),according to BB they were child abusers for doing so.

I beg to differ mate,but that definiton has been streched somewhat in this case.I don't care what organisation has recently branded with sweeping statements what fits in the catagory.My dad was beaten black and blue by his father for most of his childhood,theres some rock solid child abuse.

I don't wanna argue about definitions however,its pretty pointless imo.Just putting forth my opinion.

 

[jwer_NL]

may i point out that the article pointed out by BB was published by the nspcc, it would be weird if they published an article called "it's perfectly normal and good to slap ur children" now wouldn't it?

if i would be in the nspcc i would make sure to publish the same sort of article

anyways, i think that most people agree here that it never hurt a kid to give a slap with open hand if he/she screwed up pretty badly...

all other forms of physical punishment are out of the question..

imo only parents should be allowed to do so... interestin next point

 

[BBStr@nge]

I think there are probably loads of people who's parents gave them a slap as kids. And they would claim it did them no harm.
I can't argue with that.
But as a society can we justify smacking children?
It is so easy for it to go beyond a smack.
I would still be interested to know what people who have decided to smack would do if it no longer works?
Surely the only option is to hit harder?

Yes Phear I do take your point about the difference between a disagreement and trying to teach a child a lesson.
I still find it hard to justify striking anyone though.
Particularly if that person has very limited reasoning capacity, ie a child.

 

[Phear]

I would still be interested to know what people who have decided to smack would do if it no longer works?
Surely the only option is to hit harder?

The same thing as some1 who chose not to smack their child would have to do, seek help. If you cannot properly discipline your child, obvioulsy you shouldn't beat them black and blue, you seek professional help.

 

[Swyzz]

I would still be interested to know what people who have decided to smack would do if it no longer works?
Surely the only option is to hit harder?

A similar example.. you yell at a person but finds out he's def. So your solution would be yelling louder??
Probably not.. maybe you'd try another solution?


edit: craps too late... Phear shouldn't you be @ work?

 

[Spirit]

The problem with slapping is that parents use it to regularly. For minor crimes a punishment of stopping pocket money, sending to room etc is adequate.

Imho slapping is a perfectly viable means of punishment but should only be saved for times when the child has been really naughty. If you do it too often the child will realise it's only a bit of pain and start taunting you that it didn't hurt etc because they know you won't ever take it any further. You have played your trump card too early and are left with nothing else to use.

However if you only do it on very rare occasions they will not have the opportunity to learn this, and will know that they have been very bad because they have made mummy so much angrier than normal.

 

[DraizeTrain]

Originally posted by BBStrange
Should I smack you for making a statement I don't agree with?
No, that would be well out of order.
Why is it ok then to strike a child?

my reply was:-

Originally posted by DraizeTrain
Who said anything about striking a child cos they dont agree with u? Ur comparison is ridiculous.

Phears reply to the same statement was:-

Originally posted by Phear
BB I don't find any rational in that argument. The is a very big difference between 2 adults disagreeing and a parent and child doing the same.

I think u'll all agree that these are similar statements and u dont need to be Einstein to see that.

BBs responce to me was:-

Originally posted by BBStrange
And how is my comparison ridiculous?

Where as to Phear it was:-

Originally posted by BBStrange
Yes Phear I do take your point about the difference between a disagreement and trying to teach a child a lesson.

...and u tell me `Contrary to what you believe, I am capable of rational and constructive debate'...but as long it seems, as ur allowed double standards depending on who ur talking too.

Sorry wasnt supposed to comment but this 1 was screaming at me

 

[BBStr@nge]

Draize- I said I could see Phears point. I can. I don't agree with it.
However Phear explained the difference and you ran off your mouth. I will concede that there is a difference in having a disagreement and showing someone how to behave.
But, there is no more justification for striking a child, than there is for striking an adult.
Regardless of circumstance.

You still cannot answer, no fuck it, you cannot even give any weight to your arguments full stop. Just continue your lame flames because you cannot disprove any other opinion, fact or theory I have posted on here.
I promised admin I wouldnt flame in here, so I wont.
Festering DT? Oh I think so.

Your report card reads = Must try harder

 

[Apocalypse]

I would like to add a couple of real life examples and comment on each, so bear with me.

Example1

Was babysitting my nephew to be (age 7) one Saturaday afternoon and I was attempting to watch the wrestling on TV. Stephen decides he wants to watch the cartoon's, I tell him tough, you can watch them when this is finished. This basically resulted in calling me a fat jawbee. I let that one slide and asked him politly not to speak like that. It fell on deaf ears. He eventually worked out that I was sitting on the remote and so then attempted to get it out from under me which involded punching and kicking on his part. So I gave up and said he could watch the cartoons, but only long enough for me to take the plug of the TV, when he realised what I had done he threw the remote at me and smashed the glass doors to the video cabinet.

This kinda took the biscuit, now despite the fact he isn't my child I felt he had crossed a line and told him I don't tolerate that behvaiour in my house, more verbal abuse. So I sat Stephen down on the coach, or really I threw him down on the couch which I guess hurt a little as he started sobbing. At this point I basically shouted at him that if he so muched as moved an inch I said he wouldn't be able to sit for a week. Funnily enough he didn't move until his mother came to get him.

Now was I out of line? imho I don't think so. I can assure you that ever since he has never once even asked if he could watch cartoons if he saw I was watching something else.

Example 2

Vanessa asked me to get her ice-cream, so I go in search of the ice-cream van. Finds one in the old part of Falkirk I used to live in. When standing in the queue a bunch of small kids (about 10 years) were in front of me. One of them turns to me and asks who I was, I asked what it had to do with him, and he replied with something along the lines of I looked gay. Much to the laughter of his pals. Now I stood there, as I'm pretty mild mannered and said nothing really.

So where do kids think that they can get away with that kinda talk to 6'2" men? Suppose I had been the local hardbut with at stanley balde in my pocket, he would have had it. You really have to ask how the parents deal with talk like that, sooner or later that boy will say what he said to me to someone who isn't afraid to elbow the boy in the face. Discipline needs to come from somewhere, so if it isn't the parent's then someone else will do it.

Kinda leads on to example 3.

When I was 15 I had a agruement with my mum, over something so important I actually forgotten now. Anyways, at one point in the arguement I said something I regret now and I recieved a slap for it. Now at 15 I'm techincally a child, yet I was taller and possibly stronger than my mum. Is that child abuse? Well I tell you want happened next.

I stood up tall and said something like don't ever hit me ag.... Well that's all I got out coz this time she did hit me, twice as hard and twice as fast. Now I can asure you I've never talked back to my mum ever since, not that I ever before then. So was that chid abuse, well I don't think so.

Disciplining a child is something that each parent should be responisble for. There is nothing wrong with a smack to say don't do that again; and you are never told old to go across your parents knees.

 

[BBStr@nge]

Goose-research would suggest otherwise.

"or really I threw him down on the couch which I guess hurt a little as he started sobbing."

TBH I don't know what to say to this.

 

[Apocalypse]

It wasn't a body slam ffs, I didn't reais him 5 feet above my head and then drop him.

I picked him up and placed him in the seat, firmly.

May I asked how you would have dealth with the situ, having had a 7 year old smash a £70 video cabinet coz he didn't want to watch cartoons. What's next, dropping my mointor from the roof of my flats for noth giving him a shot of my PC.

Note to EVERYONE who posts on this board. Remember to interrup the literally and collouequial meaning of every word you print.

 

[Spirit]

Goose, I think your actions were justified and wouldn;t of been necesasry if parents we able to show proper discipline to their children. Your mum was quite right to slap you a 2nd time, I imagine you learnt a valuable lesson that day.

When I was younger I wouldn't dream of saying anything cheeky to someone much older than me - I would of got a clip round the ear hard enough to make me not say it again, and looking back I have no regrets of that happening. I learnt some important lessons those times, and imho am a better person for it now.

Discipline is severly lacking in todays children, because everyone is to scared to make them regret being rude or naughty. Sometimes a child has to learn the hard way, or they wont learn at all. Crying is a necessary part of growing up, learning that certain things should not be said / done is also a necessary part of growing up. Shouting at a child does not teach them not to do a bad thing again, they soon realise it's worth getting shouted at just so they can get away with it again - you have to make them regret their actions enough for them not to do it again until they are old enough to realise what is right and wrong.

Obviously I am not supporting child aduse here - there is a fine line between causing someone a short, sharp shock and really hurting them and that line should never, ever be crossed. 90% of the time a child crys when it gets smacked because it is being told off and not because it hurts. Kids that aren't disciplined properly generally grow up to be the bad apples in our society.

 

[DraizeTrain]

Originally posted by BBStr@nge
Draize- I said I could see Phears point. I can. I don't agree with it.
However Phear explained the difference and you ran off your mouth.

Yeah, both Phears and mine said they same thing...but Phears went into a little more detail...and u needed to be spoon fed

Originally posted by BBStr@nge
You still cannot answer, no fuck it, you cannot even give any weight to your arguments full stop. Just continue your lame flames because you cannot disprove any other opinion, fact or theory I have posted on here.

How many posts have i put in this thread? They all contain my own opinions just like urs do. There is no weight to either stances, that is the nature of opinions. Ur placed a hell of a lot of ur position on ur NSPCC `find'...but what is that exactly? Its a set of guidelines put out in the open market by a charity that obviously like their own ideas...and thats all they are. They aren't fact and they aren't law...infact they are just another opinion. Lame flames! its called criticism...and u should have learnt at ur age to be able to take them.

Originally posted by BBStr@nge
Your report card reads = Must try harder

grow up ffs

 

[DraizeTrain]

I think that there are some ppl on this thread that cant distinguish between a `dont do that again' little smack and full blown assault

 

[Hogo]

some of this really is naive in the extreme

my parents...dad who never hit me..i used to play up like fuck
mom...if i pld up I got hit...never did it anymore..always well behaved when the ol' gal was about...who did me a favor in the long run...

and if anyone tried to dictate to me how i raised my children I'd tell them to mind their own business.

I slapped my child maybe 2 times when he was 5-6..not hard and ive never had to do it again....im complimented on his behaviour and manners and he's a happy child.

Quite frankly according to you BB im a child abuser and i think thats very offensive and inaccurate and i take a big exception to that accusation...

Ive studied criminal law for over 10 years (and dealt with child abuse cases) so the fact that you think I fall within that criteria I find disgusting

This is distasteful to the degree that I WILL NOT be viewing or posting in these P&S forums again

 

[Rich]

ihave to tottaly agree with Hogo on this

my old man smacked me once ive never forgoten it and to this day if he looks at me in the "you do that again" look ill i wont do it.

never hit me again and i certainly dont feel that was abuse in anyway shape or form it was good parenting.

 

[FluidEye]

my personal opinion is that it's never ok to slap anyone - especially if you don't accept to be slapped yourself. and i think it's worse when it comes to hitting children since they CAN get used to it, thus accepting that type of violence against not only their own.

i wouldn't tell a parent how to raise her child - as long as the child seems to be well. but if i see a child hurt i'd would like to stop that, and the fact that i'd probably want to beat the shit of the parent in question - which probably would make the parent hurt the child even more - states that slap is a poor solution at start.

the hard fact is that you can't know in what way you're hurting your child (physically or mentally), thats why it should be avoided imo. but not to forget, it's also a matter of culture - if more than half of the worlds population think it's fair then what can you tell them...