Still really struggling for quiz topics here, so I thought I'd do one on clan (mis)management. You don't have to be or have been a clan leader to take this test, though if you score badly then it's probably something you should avoid. I should know.
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QUESTION 1:
You are setting up a new clan with yourself as the leader. As everyone knows, the most important thing about any clan, the thing which will ultimately determine their overall league success, is, of course, their clantag
Which of the following three combinations are you most likely to choose your tag from?
A - Something you think is stylish and intimidating: [-TORCH-] / {^\_UvF_/^} / ==zzYzx==
B - Something intended to be humorous and deliberately embarrassing: [TiT] / oO0(GiMP)0Oo / -//FODDER\\-
C - Something wholly inappropriate, a definite clue that you've missed the point by quite a bit: <KKK> / {S-Club-7} / [[[[[[[[[1234567890987654321]]]]]]]]]
QUESTION 2:
Having sorted your clantag out to your satisfaction, the next step is to attract players. How do you begin?
A - Post an efficient thread in the UTA clan exchange forum, containing all the information any potential recruits might want to know, as well as at least one reliable way for them to contact you.
B - Mass email / PM all your old friends from UT and ask them if they're interested, whether they are presently already in a clan or not. Reject the idea of looking for players whom you haven't known for at least four years.
C - Jump into pubs with your new clantag attached to a fake nick. Get into flamewars on the servers for a couple of hours and just expect all the decent, clanless players to queue up to ask if they can join your fantastic new clan. Attract precisely no players and then wonder what you're doing wrong.
QUESTION 3:
You have got some players into your clan, but you still don't have enough to field a proper team. You are going to have to trial some unknown players to see if they can play to your level. How do you approach this?
A - Spend a few days in pubs, learning about the clanless regulars and how good they are. Ask a few of them if they want to trial, and manage to snag two or three decent, trainable players out of it.
B - Ask in pubs if anyone wants to join your clan, spec all the people who say yes, then pick the one who gets the highest scores, even though pubs scores are relative to nothing very exciting.
C - Bollocks to trialling, you cba with noobs. Five players is enough for the Standard league, and you'll surely get more players soon - who could resist such a cool clantag?
QUESTION 4:
It is your first time as a clan leader and you are having trouble sorting out the admin page in UTA. You need advice and so you decide to ask one of the UTA forum mods / admins for a bit of help. You need someone with a clue, someone with their finger on the UTA pulse, someone with their head significantly clear of their own arse. Which of the following names first springs to mind?
A - Brajan
B - Bartio
C - Psy
QUESTION 5:
So, you have your clantag and your players, and your clan is now sitting in the Holding Zone. You still have a few things to sort out, though; such as arranging matches. As match arranger, how are you most likely to go about arranging your first league match?
A - Choose a bottom div / HZ clan who will give your new clan a challenge without being too difficult to ultimately beat, find out which maps, server and day are best for your players, email and PM the other clan the same day, discuss and successfully arrange a server booking.
B - Challenge the top clan of the bottom division, tell them you can only play on particular days (which you have chosen because they best suit you), hold out for a server you know will be difficult for the other clan to play on, leave the server booking in the schedule and assume your clan members will look every day so they know when they're playing.
C - Sit in the Holding Zone for as long as you can until someone finally challenges you; prove to be impossible to contact by never answering email or turning up on irc; finally get around to attempting to organise the match in the UTA page, only to accidentally book the server for 5am on a Monday; turn up on your own and lose; blame your clan for not showing.
QUESTION 6:
You have decent players in your clan but you're going to have to get some clan practice in before your first match. You arrange a server and everyone turns up. How does the practice go?
A - Everything is efficient and smooth; your players play well together and understand launching and covering each other; they respect your leadership and they get in a good practice session, leaving everyone feeling confident about their ability to play together.
B - Things start off well, with people eager to show some decent launches and other tactics; but halfway through everyone gets a bit bored and it becomes a 3 v 3 game. Not much organisation gets done but at least everyone knows they can still point and shoot.
C - You were dumb enough to tell your players the admin password, so now everyone is typing in various console commands, resulting in redeemers everywhere, constant slomo changes, enormous patterns of jumpboots spelling out the clantag, and the occasional summoned table floating in midair. And a hell of a lot of 'Habouji!' noises for some reason.
QUESTION 7:
Having completed your first clan 'practice', it's time to come up with some tactics. What do you do?
A - Find out the strengths and weaknesses of your players, their preferred def spots and attack styles, and allocate positions accordingly, which can be moved around in Teamspeak when you actually play.
B - Wait until the match starts and then shout garbled on-the-spot tactics into TS, hoping that your players are good enough to manage without them in general.
C - Nothing: a clan this good doesn't need tactics; it does need TS but your mic broke when you used it to clean your ears out.
QUESTION 8:
Your clan has broken out of the HZ and is working upwards steadily. How do you keep your players motivated for your onslaught on the league table?
A - Arrange and play at least one friendly match a month; organise meetings in public servers in which you and your clanmates play together for a few hours; encourage posts in the clan forums; congratulate your players when they win and take the piss light-heartedly when they lose.
B - Engage in occasional light banter and heavy insults in irc; crow ostentatiously in the UT console every time your clan wins so much as one round in a match; babble constantly about how much your clan owns, even after crushing losses; never learn when to stfhu.
C - Avoid them: no-one likes you much and they play better when you're not there to put them off.
QUESTION 9:
One of your players was caught using a cheat / hack / bot in a league match and was banned for a certain period by the UTA admins (who didn't miss the opportunity to hand him four infractions and fifteen closed threads into the bargain). As clan leader how do you react to this development?
A - Kick him out of the clan immediately and ban him forever; apologise to the opposition clan against whom he cheated; explain in public forums that the rest of your clan don't support or endorse his actions; accept any punishment handed to your clan by the admins.
B - Argue endlessly with the admins about it, even in the face of the evidence; complain loudly about comparisons between the ban your player got and the less severe bans other cheats have had in the past; determine to keep the cheater in your clan to show solidarity, in spite of the protests of some of your other members who don't want to be associated with him.
C - Agree to an email you received from NOOB / MoD on the same day, asking if they can have him with immediate effect.
QUESTION 10:
Your clan has been in div 1 for two months now, yet you have so far been unable to beat any of the top three teams. What is your solution to this obstacle?
A - Step up the training and practice sessions, refine the tactics and make your clan winners by sheer drive and ambition.
B - Realise that you have done all you can as leader and that it is now up to the clan as a whole to get good enough to break through, sooner or later.
C - Retire the clan from the league, only to reappear a month later under a different clantag and with all the same players and tactics, ready to work your way through the league again and arrive back in the same position you were in when you quit; keep doing this indefinitely, never realising that you and your half-arsed runner-up also-ran cronies are the bane of div 2 downwards and the laughing stock of div 1. Twat.
Check your scores below, on the basis that you care two farts at a royal wedding:
---
QUESTION 1:
You are setting up a new clan with yourself as the leader. As everyone knows, the most important thing about any clan, the thing which will ultimately determine their overall league success, is, of course, their clantag
Which of the following three combinations are you most likely to choose your tag from?A - Something you think is stylish and intimidating: [-TORCH-] / {^\_UvF_/^} / ==zzYzx==
B - Something intended to be humorous and deliberately embarrassing: [TiT] / oO0(GiMP)0Oo / -//FODDER\\-
C - Something wholly inappropriate, a definite clue that you've missed the point by quite a bit: <KKK> / {S-Club-7} / [[[[[[[[[1234567890987654321]]]]]]]]]
QUESTION 2:
Having sorted your clantag out to your satisfaction, the next step is to attract players. How do you begin?
A - Post an efficient thread in the UTA clan exchange forum, containing all the information any potential recruits might want to know, as well as at least one reliable way for them to contact you.
B - Mass email / PM all your old friends from UT and ask them if they're interested, whether they are presently already in a clan or not. Reject the idea of looking for players whom you haven't known for at least four years.
C - Jump into pubs with your new clantag attached to a fake nick. Get into flamewars on the servers for a couple of hours and just expect all the decent, clanless players to queue up to ask if they can join your fantastic new clan. Attract precisely no players and then wonder what you're doing wrong.
QUESTION 3:
You have got some players into your clan, but you still don't have enough to field a proper team. You are going to have to trial some unknown players to see if they can play to your level. How do you approach this?
A - Spend a few days in pubs, learning about the clanless regulars and how good they are. Ask a few of them if they want to trial, and manage to snag two or three decent, trainable players out of it.
B - Ask in pubs if anyone wants to join your clan, spec all the people who say yes, then pick the one who gets the highest scores, even though pubs scores are relative to nothing very exciting.
C - Bollocks to trialling, you cba with noobs. Five players is enough for the Standard league, and you'll surely get more players soon - who could resist such a cool clantag?
QUESTION 4:
It is your first time as a clan leader and you are having trouble sorting out the admin page in UTA. You need advice and so you decide to ask one of the UTA forum mods / admins for a bit of help. You need someone with a clue, someone with their finger on the UTA pulse, someone with their head significantly clear of their own arse. Which of the following names first springs to mind?
A - Brajan
B - Bartio
C - Psy
QUESTION 5:
So, you have your clantag and your players, and your clan is now sitting in the Holding Zone. You still have a few things to sort out, though; such as arranging matches. As match arranger, how are you most likely to go about arranging your first league match?
A - Choose a bottom div / HZ clan who will give your new clan a challenge without being too difficult to ultimately beat, find out which maps, server and day are best for your players, email and PM the other clan the same day, discuss and successfully arrange a server booking.
B - Challenge the top clan of the bottom division, tell them you can only play on particular days (which you have chosen because they best suit you), hold out for a server you know will be difficult for the other clan to play on, leave the server booking in the schedule and assume your clan members will look every day so they know when they're playing.
C - Sit in the Holding Zone for as long as you can until someone finally challenges you; prove to be impossible to contact by never answering email or turning up on irc; finally get around to attempting to organise the match in the UTA page, only to accidentally book the server for 5am on a Monday; turn up on your own and lose; blame your clan for not showing.
QUESTION 6:
You have decent players in your clan but you're going to have to get some clan practice in before your first match. You arrange a server and everyone turns up. How does the practice go?
A - Everything is efficient and smooth; your players play well together and understand launching and covering each other; they respect your leadership and they get in a good practice session, leaving everyone feeling confident about their ability to play together.
B - Things start off well, with people eager to show some decent launches and other tactics; but halfway through everyone gets a bit bored and it becomes a 3 v 3 game. Not much organisation gets done but at least everyone knows they can still point and shoot.
C - You were dumb enough to tell your players the admin password, so now everyone is typing in various console commands, resulting in redeemers everywhere, constant slomo changes, enormous patterns of jumpboots spelling out the clantag, and the occasional summoned table floating in midair. And a hell of a lot of 'Habouji!' noises for some reason.
QUESTION 7:
Having completed your first clan 'practice', it's time to come up with some tactics. What do you do?
A - Find out the strengths and weaknesses of your players, their preferred def spots and attack styles, and allocate positions accordingly, which can be moved around in Teamspeak when you actually play.
B - Wait until the match starts and then shout garbled on-the-spot tactics into TS, hoping that your players are good enough to manage without them in general.
C - Nothing: a clan this good doesn't need tactics; it does need TS but your mic broke when you used it to clean your ears out.
QUESTION 8:
Your clan has broken out of the HZ and is working upwards steadily. How do you keep your players motivated for your onslaught on the league table?
A - Arrange and play at least one friendly match a month; organise meetings in public servers in which you and your clanmates play together for a few hours; encourage posts in the clan forums; congratulate your players when they win and take the piss light-heartedly when they lose.
B - Engage in occasional light banter and heavy insults in irc; crow ostentatiously in the UT console every time your clan wins so much as one round in a match; babble constantly about how much your clan owns, even after crushing losses; never learn when to stfhu.
C - Avoid them: no-one likes you much and they play better when you're not there to put them off.
QUESTION 9:
One of your players was caught using a cheat / hack / bot in a league match and was banned for a certain period by the UTA admins (who didn't miss the opportunity to hand him four infractions and fifteen closed threads into the bargain). As clan leader how do you react to this development?
A - Kick him out of the clan immediately and ban him forever; apologise to the opposition clan against whom he cheated; explain in public forums that the rest of your clan don't support or endorse his actions; accept any punishment handed to your clan by the admins.
B - Argue endlessly with the admins about it, even in the face of the evidence; complain loudly about comparisons between the ban your player got and the less severe bans other cheats have had in the past; determine to keep the cheater in your clan to show solidarity, in spite of the protests of some of your other members who don't want to be associated with him.
C - Agree to an email you received from NOOB / MoD on the same day, asking if they can have him with immediate effect.
QUESTION 10:
Your clan has been in div 1 for two months now, yet you have so far been unable to beat any of the top three teams. What is your solution to this obstacle?
A - Step up the training and practice sessions, refine the tactics and make your clan winners by sheer drive and ambition.
B - Realise that you have done all you can as leader and that it is now up to the clan as a whole to get good enough to break through, sooner or later.
C - Retire the clan from the league, only to reappear a month later under a different clantag and with all the same players and tactics, ready to work your way through the league again and arrive back in the same position you were in when you quit; keep doing this indefinitely, never realising that you and your half-arsed runner-up also-ran cronies are the bane of div 2 downwards and the laughing stock of div 1. Twat.
Check your scores below, on the basis that you care two farts at a royal wedding:
Mostly A's: 
You are an ideal clan leader: intelligent, responsible and strong-minded. You know how to lead and how to get the best out of your players. Enjoy being champions
Mostly B's:
Hmm, you're probably not the best man for this job. You should perhaps step back from leadership, since it's possible you'll have more of a negative effect on your players than a positive
Mostly C's:
Christ. Seriously, what in the name of Turkish sodomy were you thinking? This was the worst governmental idea since Gary Glitter applied to become Minister for Education. You couldn't lead a pencil case. Turn your mic off and resign this instant. No clan deserves something like you. And another thing: there should be a space between 'Th@' and 'Prophet', idiot
You are an ideal clan leader: intelligent, responsible and strong-minded. You know how to lead and how to get the best out of your players. Enjoy being champions Mostly B's:
Hmm, you're probably not the best man for this job. You should perhaps step back from leadership, since it's possible you'll have more of a negative effect on your players than a positive Mostly C's:
Christ. Seriously, what in the name of Turkish sodomy were you thinking? This was the worst governmental idea since Gary Glitter applied to become Minister for Education. You couldn't lead a pencil case. Turn your mic off and resign this instant. No clan deserves something like you. And another thing: there should be a space between 'Th@' and 'Prophet', idiot
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i scroll theo here expecting sum1 from my clan to say summert about me, but oh no i find mushy mushy 
