Why do Scummers whistle on the toilet?
So that they know which end to wipe
What do you say to a Scummer with a job?
"Can I have a Big Mac!"
How do the brain cells of a Scummer die?
Alone!
How do you make a Scummers eyes light up?
Shine a torch in his ears!
Top tip for Southampton fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.
QUESTION: What do you get if you see a Southampton fan buried up to his neck in sand?
ANSWER: More sand
Arnold, the Saints fan always wears his replica top, and wherever he goes, people take the piss out of him, and say he's stupid. This pisses him off, so when he next goes for his walking holiday in the Lake District, he decides not to bother. He walks through a field of sheep, and sees the farmer. Feeling a bit in need of some sexual activity he walks up and asks the farmer
"If I guess how many sheep you have, can I take one away and shag her?"
"Sure"
"173"
"That's bloody impressive" says the farmer. "Take your pick"
Arnold chooses, and begins to walk off. The farmer shouts back
"If I guess which team you support, can I have my dog back?"
Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the World Cup?".
God Replies, "In the next five years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the European Championship?".
The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Southampton win the Premier League?".
God Answers," I'll be dead by then!"
Two Southampton fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke"
The second one picks it up and says "Of course you do, you thick twat - its me!"
Simon the Southampton fan is walking his dog one day, when he sees an old lamp. He bends down to pick it up, and starts to rub it to clean it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says
"I am the cut price genie. I grant but one wish"
Simon thinks for a while, and then says
"Make my dog, Hoddle, win Crufts"
The genie looks at Hoddle, and says
"Don't be stupid, look at the thing. Its mangy, its got fleas, its got a bit missing from one ear, it limps and it smells. I might be a genie, but I'm not a bloody miracle worker"
"Alright then", says Simon " Make Southampton win the Premier League"
The genie stops for a moment, then says
"Lets have another look at that dog again"
QUESTION: How many Saints fans does it take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER: Yeah, like they have electricity in Southampton
A reporter from Meridian News is Interviewing Glenn Hoddle and Tony Pulis. he first asks Glenn what his long term plans for Southampton are. Glenn replies
"Well, I see us becoming a good, average Premiership team, who don't even get involved in relegation issues.".
The reporter then puts the same question to Tony, who answers
"I think that, once we secure promotion, we will be able to mount a successful challenge to the Premier League title. Once in Europe, we will carry off the European cup for the next 5 years."
"Don't you think that's a little bit over-optimistic, Tony?", asks the Interviewer, to which our Tony replies
"well, Glenn started it."
QUESTION: How many Southampton fans does it take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER: Both of them.
A man desperate at Saint's current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Southampton kit as his last statement.
A neighbor, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Scummer kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
Rumor has it that Southampton have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.
So that they know which end to wipe
What do you say to a Scummer with a job?
"Can I have a Big Mac!"
How do the brain cells of a Scummer die?
Alone!
How do you make a Scummers eyes light up?
Shine a torch in his ears!
Top tip for Southampton fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.
QUESTION: What do you get if you see a Southampton fan buried up to his neck in sand?
ANSWER: More sand
Arnold, the Saints fan always wears his replica top, and wherever he goes, people take the piss out of him, and say he's stupid. This pisses him off, so when he next goes for his walking holiday in the Lake District, he decides not to bother. He walks through a field of sheep, and sees the farmer. Feeling a bit in need of some sexual activity he walks up and asks the farmer
"If I guess how many sheep you have, can I take one away and shag her?"
"Sure"
"173"
"That's bloody impressive" says the farmer. "Take your pick"
Arnold chooses, and begins to walk off. The farmer shouts back
"If I guess which team you support, can I have my dog back?"
Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the World Cup?".
God Replies, "In the next five years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the European Championship?".
The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Southampton win the Premier League?".
God Answers," I'll be dead by then!"
Two Southampton fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says "Hey, I know that bloke"
The second one picks it up and says "Of course you do, you thick twat - its me!"
Simon the Southampton fan is walking his dog one day, when he sees an old lamp. He bends down to pick it up, and starts to rub it to clean it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says
"I am the cut price genie. I grant but one wish"
Simon thinks for a while, and then says
"Make my dog, Hoddle, win Crufts"
The genie looks at Hoddle, and says
"Don't be stupid, look at the thing. Its mangy, its got fleas, its got a bit missing from one ear, it limps and it smells. I might be a genie, but I'm not a bloody miracle worker"
"Alright then", says Simon " Make Southampton win the Premier League"
The genie stops for a moment, then says
"Lets have another look at that dog again"
QUESTION: How many Saints fans does it take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER: Yeah, like they have electricity in Southampton
A reporter from Meridian News is Interviewing Glenn Hoddle and Tony Pulis. he first asks Glenn what his long term plans for Southampton are. Glenn replies
"Well, I see us becoming a good, average Premiership team, who don't even get involved in relegation issues.".
The reporter then puts the same question to Tony, who answers
"I think that, once we secure promotion, we will be able to mount a successful challenge to the Premier League title. Once in Europe, we will carry off the European cup for the next 5 years."
"Don't you think that's a little bit over-optimistic, Tony?", asks the Interviewer, to which our Tony replies
"well, Glenn started it."
QUESTION: How many Southampton fans does it take to change a light bulb?
ANSWER: Both of them.
A man desperate at Saint's current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Southampton kit as his last statement.
A neighbor, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Scummer kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
Rumor has it that Southampton have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.
