A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
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A Daddy whale and his son were swimming along when a ship came by and caught and killed the Daddy whale.... Years later the son saw the same ship that killed his father and said to a female whale near him, 'Hey, that ship killed my father, let's go under the ship and blow air bubbles to tip the ship.'
The female whale agreed and they tipped the ship over in no time. However, the sailors were swimming to shore, which defeated the son's purpose of the whole tipping the ship idea. So he tells the female whale, 'They're getting away! Lets go eat them.'
The female whale got really upset and disagreed. The son asked her why, after agreeing to the first plan, she was so reluctant to help him again. She answered, 'I agreed to the blowjob, but there isn't any way in hell am I going to swallow any seamen!'
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ADULT REPORT CARD
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
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CODEBREAKER
A girl was telling a friend over lunch that she had given all her boyfriends "pet names" that also served as a secret reminder of their sexual talents. As luck would have it, one passed by, and she called out, "Hey, Johnny Walker. How's it going baby?"
Her friend said, "Say. I happen to know that fellow, and his name is not Johnny Walker at all. Johnny Walker is a liquor."
"Damn!" the girl said. "You’ve broken my code already!"
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LITTLE JOHNNY HAD A BUTT BET, TOO...
It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. This did not seem to trouble the teacher, who assured the father that she had handled many such problems before and was very capable of handling Johnny's gambling urge.
Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going.
"Everything is going just fine," she said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."
The father asked what had happened.
"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."
"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's ass before the day was over."
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
------------------------
A Daddy whale and his son were swimming along when a ship came by and caught and killed the Daddy whale.... Years later the son saw the same ship that killed his father and said to a female whale near him, 'Hey, that ship killed my father, let's go under the ship and blow air bubbles to tip the ship.'
The female whale agreed and they tipped the ship over in no time. However, the sailors were swimming to shore, which defeated the son's purpose of the whole tipping the ship idea. So he tells the female whale, 'They're getting away! Lets go eat them.'
The female whale got really upset and disagreed. The son asked her why, after agreeing to the first plan, she was so reluctant to help him again. She answered, 'I agreed to the blowjob, but there isn't any way in hell am I going to swallow any seamen!'
---------------------
ADULT REPORT CARD
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."
------------------
CODEBREAKER
A girl was telling a friend over lunch that she had given all her boyfriends "pet names" that also served as a secret reminder of their sexual talents. As luck would have it, one passed by, and she called out, "Hey, Johnny Walker. How's it going baby?"
Her friend said, "Say. I happen to know that fellow, and his name is not Johnny Walker at all. Johnny Walker is a liquor."
"Damn!" the girl said. "You’ve broken my code already!"
---------------------
LITTLE JOHNNY HAD A BUTT BET, TOO...
It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. This did not seem to trouble the teacher, who assured the father that she had handled many such problems before and was very capable of handling Johnny's gambling urge.
Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going.
"Everything is going just fine," she said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit."
The father asked what had happened.
"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole."
"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's ass before the day was over."
