Funnys

  • Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!

    Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"Its for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!"
:ripper:
 
A little boy asks his Dad how you spell the word clitoris.
The farther replies that he doesn't know and informs his son that he should go and ask his mother.
The little boy finds his Mum and asks her "Mum how do you spell clitoris ?" she replies "I don't know but your Dad should he had it on the tip of his tongue last night !"
:p:
 
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. You
know what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we start
swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go
downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after
me, ok?" "Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother
walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for
breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops" WHACK!!
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old
and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast,
young man?! "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your
fuckin' arse it won't be Coco Pops."
:teehee:
 
2 blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume
counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist
and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace" "Yeah
what's it called?" "Viens a moi" "Viens a moi, what the fack does
that mean?" At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a
moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'" Sharon takes another sniff
and offers her arm to Tracey again saying..... "That doesn't smell
like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"

:puke:
 
Top Reasons Bicycles are Better than Women
Bicycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
Bicycles don't have parents.
Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.
When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.
Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.
If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.
You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
Bicycles don't get headaches.
Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.
You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.
:rolling:
 
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES FOR HAVING A THREESOME

ADVANTAGES

1. It can get really weird
2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
4. Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
5. You get to watch your best friends making love
6. You get to get watched making love
7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed
8. You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
9. You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison shopping for condoms
10. Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out.
11. You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies without actually doing anything about it.
12. Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a problem, the "wrong name" is probably the one on your left.
13. Threeperson showers are fantastic
14. Threeperson naked belly laughs are even better
15. Threeperson kisses are best

DISADVANTAGES

1. It can get really weird
2. Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
3. Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
4. You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the bathroom, the other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt.
5. Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
6. You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends like.
7. Queensized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them.
8. Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your notebooks.
9. Morning breath multiplied by 3.
10. You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect nor want.
11. You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends you didn't suspect nor want.
12. You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of relationships.
13. The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple.
14. Sorting clothes quickly when the boyfriend/spouse walks in assumes comical proportions
15. Now there's two wet spots to avoid

:3some:
 
Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd ?

A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.