Crap jokes
- Thread starter Rob1000100
- Start date
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Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!
Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
A. Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
A. Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well-hung.
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A. 45 minutes
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A. Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why don't men fake orgasm?
A. Cos no man would pull those faces on purpose.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratc
Patient : Doctor Doctor every one ignores me
Shrink : Next!!!!!!!
Why do hippos have sex underwater ?
you ever tried to get a 700lbs clit wet ?!?!
Shrink : Next!!!!!!!
Why do hippos have sex underwater ?
you ever tried to get a 700lbs clit wet ?!?!
an old couple are sitting in a bar,
Man: remember 50 years ago when we had our first date here?
Woman: oh yes
Man: do you remember how we went behind the bar and had sex for the first time against the fence?
Woman: oh god yes
Man: how about we try it one last time
Woman: ok, just for old times sake
Theres a policeman abit further up the bar who heard all of this, and decides this is something he cannot miss so he follows the couple outside quietly.
He gets outside an is amazed to see them all ready at it..... minutes pass and the policeman is even more shocked, the the speed at which they are moving, the woman is shouting "Oh yes oh yes" loudly over and over..... more minutes pass
and before he relalizes he has been watching them for 40 minutes! They finally finish, the policman so shocked by this he doesnt move and the man see's him,
Policeman: im sorry to be so rude but how on earth at your age do you both manage to have such sex at your age?!
Man: well, 50 years ago that fence wasnt electic
Man: remember 50 years ago when we had our first date here?
Woman: oh yes
Man: do you remember how we went behind the bar and had sex for the first time against the fence?
Woman: oh god yes
Man: how about we try it one last time
Woman: ok, just for old times sake
Theres a policeman abit further up the bar who heard all of this, and decides this is something he cannot miss so he follows the couple outside quietly.
He gets outside an is amazed to see them all ready at it..... minutes pass and the policeman is even more shocked, the the speed at which they are moving, the woman is shouting "Oh yes oh yes" loudly over and over..... more minutes pass
and before he relalizes he has been watching them for 40 minutes! They finally finish, the policman so shocked by this he doesnt move and the man see's him,
Policeman: im sorry to be so rude but how on earth at your age do you both manage to have such sex at your age?!
Man: well, 50 years ago that fence wasnt electic
A woman comes home to find her husband packing a suitcase "where are you going? she asks
"im off to Los Angeles to be a gigolo" he replies "apparently women pay £300 a time for exactly wot you expect me to do for nothing"
"dont be daft!" says his wife "how on earth will you live on £600 a year?!?"
"im off to Los Angeles to be a gigolo" he replies "apparently women pay £300 a time for exactly wot you expect me to do for nothing"
"dont be daft!" says his wife "how on earth will you live on £600 a year?!?"
well, how about this one:Dark said:Worst joke imagianable:
A man walks into a bar and says ouch..
So a dyslexic walks into a bra.
M
Maz
M
Maz
the following credits go stricktly to Ice.
A hippie goes on a bus and asks a nun for sex, wich she politely refuses. He asks the man driving the bus how he can fuck her, and he tells the hippie that every night she goes to the cemetery to pray too god. If he went there dressed as god she cant refuse anything from him. That night the hippie goes to the cemetery in a disguise and sees the nun praying. He comes up to her and convinces her hes god. When the nun asks wut she can do for him, he asks her for sex. The nun agrees as long as its kept anal so she can keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and he fucks her. After they finish, the hippie pulls off his masks and screams "Haha, im the hippie from the bus!" to wich the nun stands up, pulls of her disguise and says "Haha, im the busdriver!!"
once again to avoid any legal confrontation,
Ice
A hippie goes on a bus and asks a nun for sex, wich she politely refuses. He asks the man driving the bus how he can fuck her, and he tells the hippie that every night she goes to the cemetery to pray too god. If he went there dressed as god she cant refuse anything from him. That night the hippie goes to the cemetery in a disguise and sees the nun praying. He comes up to her and convinces her hes god. When the nun asks wut she can do for him, he asks her for sex. The nun agrees as long as its kept anal so she can keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and he fucks her. After they finish, the hippie pulls off his masks and screams "Haha, im the hippie from the bus!" to wich the nun stands up, pulls of her disguise and says "Haha, im the busdriver!!"
once again to avoid any legal confrontation,
Ice
M
Maz
I have a shitload of my own and my m8s but if i posted them i would surely get banned, so ill stick to the non racial-religious-etc ones for now at least 
M
Maz
hahah nvm i got a class one
A man is walking on a beach and he sees a limbless woman in the sand (for the TRAFY's among us, limbless means no arms and legs
). He walks by her acting casually when she starts crying. He comes up to her and asks her " Whats wrong?" to wich the woman replies, "I've never been huged before". The man feels sorry for her and gives her a hug. He walks away when she starts crying again. He returns and asks her what the problem is to wich she replies, "I've never been kissed before". The man thinks about it but gives her a kiss despite her not having any limbs.Hes finally ready to go for good when the woman starts crying again. The man comes up and says "What's wrong again?" to wich the crying woman replies "Ive never been fucked before!". The man thinks for a moment, picks up the woman, throws her in the ocean as far as he can and shouts to her "Well you're fucked NOW!" 
A man is walking on a beach and he sees a limbless woman in the sand (for the TRAFY's among us, limbless means no arms and legs
). He walks by her acting casually when she starts crying. He comes up to her and asks her " Whats wrong?" to wich the woman replies, "I've never been huged before". The man feels sorry for her and gives her a hug. He walks away when she starts crying again. He returns and asks her what the problem is to wich she replies, "I've never been kissed before". The man thinks about it but gives her a kiss despite her not having any limbs.Hes finally ready to go for good when the woman starts crying again. The man comes up and says "What's wrong again?" to wich the crying woman replies "Ive never been fucked before!". The man thinks for a moment, picks up the woman, throws her in the ocean as far as he can and shouts to her "Well you're fucked NOW!" 
Maz said:hahah nvm i got a class one
A man is walking on a beach and he sees a limbless woman in the sand (for the TRAFY's among us, limbless means no arms and legs
.