hope you like these to
So, God was almost done making the world. He just had a few more things to give Adam and Eve.
God- Ok, lets see what's next on the list. Hmmmmm. Ok, which one of you wants the ability to pee standing up?
Adam- Oh me! pick me, pick me. Pleeeeease! It would be so cool. I could just pee wherever, and whenever I wanted. Please, please please pick me. It would just be the coooolist. Please.
God- Well Eve, do you mind if Adam gets that one? He seems to really like it.
Eve- Well, it would be nice, but okay, he can have it.
Adam- Oh yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
God- Well Eve, I only have one thing left to give you. Looks like you have to take the multiple orgasms.
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Jake was a truck driver who spent many weeks away from home at one time.
Since Jake was not married and couldn't keep a steady girlfriend, he often arranged for hookers to meet him upon his return home.
On this particular trip Jake came home incredibly horny. He called 2 hookers and arranged for them to be at his house at 8:00 pm.
To ensure that Jake would be able to perform the whole night through, he made a visit to his local Pharmicist.
"Hey doc, you gotta help me out. I got 2 women coming over tonight and I wanna be able to stay with them all night. You got something you can give me? Some kind of aphrodisiac? You know, Spanish Fly or something like that?"
"Oh no," the pharmacist replied, "I can't sell you any of that."
"But you just gotta" Jake begged. "I promise, I'll never let it out that you sold this stuff to me!!"
After more arguing the pharmicist relented and agree to sell Jake a little something to help him out.
"Now listen." he explained, "This is very strong stuff I'm selling you, so go easy with it and don't take anything until the women get to your house. Its fast acting and will keep you going all night long."
Jake agreed to follow his instructions and left the store.
The next day, Jake stumbled into the drug store and searched out the pharmicist.
"JAKE!" the druggist exclaimed, "What in hell happened to you?? You look like three miles of broken road!!"
Jake moaned his reply, "Oh doc, I feel awfull. That stuff you sold me was stronger than I thought". Jake undid his fly and pulled his dick out for the druggist to see.
"Jesus, Jake! That thing looks like a pound of ground round." said the pharmicist.
Jake said "And it hurts like hell, too!! Have you got some Ben Gay or something, Doc?"
The surprised apothicary asked, "Your not going to put Ben Gay on your dick are you!?"
"Hell no" said Jake, "Its for my arms!! The damn girls never showed up!!"
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An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
'So, you've been out drinking again!!'
'How did you know?' he asks.
'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.
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TATTLE TALE
A woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her...."
Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."
The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you."
"But why?" asked the startled father.
"Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me."
"Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with the neighbour boy when daddy was away last summer."
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MIRACLE TAMPONS
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies, "Nope, not for my mom."
Cashier: "Well they must be for your sister then?"
Nine year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised. "Your four-year-old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE GREATEST LIES OF ALL
* Of course I like your cat.
* I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.
* But Officer, I only had 3 beers!
* The check is in the mail.
...and the Number One Greatest Lie of All Time...
* "This is a one-time mailing. If you do not respond, you will receive no further mailings from us."
thats all for today
So, God was almost done making the world. He just had a few more things to give Adam and Eve.
God- Ok, lets see what's next on the list. Hmmmmm. Ok, which one of you wants the ability to pee standing up?
Adam- Oh me! pick me, pick me. Pleeeeease! It would be so cool. I could just pee wherever, and whenever I wanted. Please, please please pick me. It would just be the coooolist. Please.
God- Well Eve, do you mind if Adam gets that one? He seems to really like it.
Eve- Well, it would be nice, but okay, he can have it.
Adam- Oh yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
God- Well Eve, I only have one thing left to give you. Looks like you have to take the multiple orgasms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jake was a truck driver who spent many weeks away from home at one time.
Since Jake was not married and couldn't keep a steady girlfriend, he often arranged for hookers to meet him upon his return home.
On this particular trip Jake came home incredibly horny. He called 2 hookers and arranged for them to be at his house at 8:00 pm.
To ensure that Jake would be able to perform the whole night through, he made a visit to his local Pharmicist.
"Hey doc, you gotta help me out. I got 2 women coming over tonight and I wanna be able to stay with them all night. You got something you can give me? Some kind of aphrodisiac? You know, Spanish Fly or something like that?"
"Oh no," the pharmacist replied, "I can't sell you any of that."
"But you just gotta" Jake begged. "I promise, I'll never let it out that you sold this stuff to me!!"
After more arguing the pharmicist relented and agree to sell Jake a little something to help him out.
"Now listen." he explained, "This is very strong stuff I'm selling you, so go easy with it and don't take anything until the women get to your house. Its fast acting and will keep you going all night long."
Jake agreed to follow his instructions and left the store.
The next day, Jake stumbled into the drug store and searched out the pharmicist.
"JAKE!" the druggist exclaimed, "What in hell happened to you?? You look like three miles of broken road!!"
Jake moaned his reply, "Oh doc, I feel awfull. That stuff you sold me was stronger than I thought". Jake undid his fly and pulled his dick out for the druggist to see.
"Jesus, Jake! That thing looks like a pound of ground round." said the pharmicist.
Jake said "And it hurts like hell, too!! Have you got some Ben Gay or something, Doc?"
The surprised apothicary asked, "Your not going to put Ben Gay on your dick are you!?"
"Hell no" said Jake, "Its for my arms!! The damn girls never showed up!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
'So, you've been out drinking again!!'
'How did you know?' he asks.
'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TATTLE TALE
A woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her...."
Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."
The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you."
"But why?" asked the startled father.
"Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me."
"Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with the neighbour boy when daddy was away last summer."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MIRACLE TAMPONS
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies, "Nope, not for my mom."
Cashier: "Well they must be for your sister then?"
Nine year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised. "Your four-year-old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE GREATEST LIES OF ALL
* Of course I like your cat.
* I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.
* But Officer, I only had 3 beers!
* The check is in the mail.
...and the Number One Greatest Lie of All Time...
* "This is a one-time mailing. If you do not respond, you will receive no further mailings from us."
thats all for today
nice one.....