Darn funny
- Thread starter Towanda
- Start date
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Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!
Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar when a guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy jumps back. "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big boobs."
The guy jumps back. "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jägermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
"I want 6 shots of Jägermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Two married women decided they need some fun and agrees to leave husband and kids home one nite and have some fun at the bars.
at around 06.00 they leave the bar and starts walking home, when they pass a graveyard they suddenly realize they have an urge to take a leak. They walk into the forrest and when they are done the 1st one wipes herself with her panties and throws them away. The otherone dont want to waste her panties and therefore grabs a nearby garland of flowers and wipes hereself with it. And they go home.
Early the next morning one of the husbands call the other husband and say "We really need to find out what our wifes did last nite, my wife got home around 06.00 without panties." The other husband say "You lucky bastard! My wife got home the same time and in her crutch she had a card saying we will miss you!"
at around 06.00 they leave the bar and starts walking home, when they pass a graveyard they suddenly realize they have an urge to take a leak. They walk into the forrest and when they are done the 1st one wipes herself with her panties and throws them away. The otherone dont want to waste her panties and therefore grabs a nearby garland of flowers and wipes hereself with it. And they go home.
Early the next morning one of the husbands call the other husband and say "We really need to find out what our wifes did last nite, my wife got home around 06.00 without panties." The other husband say "You lucky bastard! My wife got home the same time and in her crutch she had a card saying we will miss you!"
There was a farmer who owned a bull and a female cow and was trying desperately to mate the two. No matter what he did the bull didn't want any.
Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cows pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over.
With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten.
He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose."
Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cows pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over.
With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten.
He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose."
spamming time 
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother.
Soon, 10 minutes had passed and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"Not yet," said the new mother.
Another 19 minutes later, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"When it cries," she told them.
"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES ??"
"Because," she told them, "I forgot where I put it"
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother.
Soon, 10 minutes had passed and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"Not yet," said the new mother.
Another 19 minutes later, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"When it cries," she told them.
"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES ??"
"Because," she told them, "I forgot where I put it"
Two quick blondes jokes
Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde - she is eighteen.
:cool:
=======================================0
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde - she is eighteen.
:cool:
=======================================0
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
and how on earth are u able to visit forums and spam bollox?
ooh, maybe u use ur lappy
and the attach prob is not my fault
A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots.
She downs the first one "This is for the shame," and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots.
She drinks the first one "This is for the shame," and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering ... what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."
She downs the first one "This is for the shame," and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots.
She drinks the first one "This is for the shame," and then the second one "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering ... what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."
The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log so he wrote :
The first mate was drunk today.
He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it couldn't be deleted. The first mate decided to get even.
The next time it when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote:
The captain was sober today.