To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine......
Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,
It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV
Christmas time, p*ssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer
Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS
Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough
So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shítty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels
Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,
It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV
Christmas time, p*ssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer
Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS
Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough
So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shítty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels
cool that *almost* flows straight from the mouth! 
