FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
"Freedom leaves a gooey trail..." - New Single-Player Title to Feature Slugs, Space Clowns.
RALEIGH, NC, USA (April 1st 2005) Epic Games has announced today the latest highly-anticipated sequel in the popular Unreal franchise - Unreal 3: Slug Saga - The Adventures of Ne'ban! The highly-anticipated Unreal 3 takes gamers into the mysterious past of their favorite royal alien parasite inside the body of a giant slug, TCA pilot Ne'ban, last seen being blown to smithereens at the end of Unreal 2.
U3:SS-TAoNB sees the return not only of that giant slug from Unreal 2, but also the dastardly space-clown Mr. Crow, first seen in Unreal Tournament 2003 and often described as a cross between Michael Jackson and a swiss army knife.
"Mr. Crow is the ****." said Lead Designer Biff Cleszinski, "I mean seriously, who'd want to **** with an undead space clown with a giant codpiece, a hat made of human flesh and spiky blades of death on the end of each finger. He's the perfect villain, and makes the Skaarj queen look like a lovable little kitten."
The highly-anticipated sequel will feature intricate, story-driven non-linear gameplay, allowing a gamers to take an infinite number of paths through the adventure. "Basically, you go around collecting Nali Rabbits" said Producer Peeve Stolge, "but our writers are working on a compelling story that will take players on an emotional roller-coaster ride, climaxing with the death of our hero's only friends at the end of the game... again. Dang."
The game's first half, according to Mr. Stolge, centers around "Ne'ban trying to find the 235 Nail rabbits hidden around the planet Varkon 7 within about 18 hours, or he will be attacked by a salt-wielding Mr. Crow, who is secretly hiding the rabbits in an attempt to draw Ne'ban closer to him so he can salt him, sautee him, and serve him with a little bit of white wine sauce, a sprig of amazingly-lifelike parsley and some escargot." Mr. Stolge then ate a donut.
U3:SS-TAoNB will feature streamlined single-player action, taking a break from previous Unreal titles... "We wanted to create a game that would both engross the player and get rid of the fat," designer Derek Trams said "Unreal 2's failures seemed to be that it had too much "stuff" to do, and not enough pure rabid carnage." First to go on this list of "stuff" is the unpopular jumping feature that plagued players of Unreal II: The Awakening. Unreal 3's Lead Level Designer Biff Cleszinski has a simple answer to any disgruntled fans... "He's a ****ing slug, dip****s! Since when can slugs ****ing jump? Jesus H mother****ing Christ, no wonder you guys didn't get Bombing Run, you're all ****ing retards!"
Key Game Features Include:
* A blast from the past! Popular locations such as that underwater maze bit from Unreal 1, that foggy forest level from Unreal II: The Awakening and the enigmatic DM-Pyramid from Unreal Tournament are back!
* Epic Games' patented SlugFart(tm) technology. When his health drops below 25%, our hero has the ability to rely on extreme flatulence to defend himself from foes. Activated similarly to UT2004's adrenaline combos, SlugFart launches Ne'ban into the air, obliterating anything below him with noxious gas.
* Estimated 1000 paths through the game, each with the main character being blown to smithereens at the end.
* Intense first-person shooter action across 60 unique and laggy alien worlds.
* Play as Ne'ban the Space Slug and save the lovable little Nali Rabbits, or play as Mr. Crow the evil Space Clown and sacrifice them to Satan for bonus points!
* Intense multiplayer action! Play against your friends as either Ne'ban or Mr. Crow!
Unreal 3: Slug Saga - The Adventures of Ne'ban is expected to arrive on PC and Xbox 2 this holiday season, and carries an ESRB rating of "M" for "m0tarded".
After you read this, i would like to remind you what date we have today
Original post can be found: http://www.beyondunreal.com/
EPIC GAMES ANNOUNCES UNREAL III AND AN INCREDBLE NEW DIRECTION FOR THE UNREAL FRANCHISE
"Freedom leaves a gooey trail..." - New Single-Player Title to Feature Slugs, Space Clowns.
RALEIGH, NC, USA (April 1st 2005) Epic Games has announced today the latest highly-anticipated sequel in the popular Unreal franchise - Unreal 3: Slug Saga - The Adventures of Ne'ban! The highly-anticipated Unreal 3 takes gamers into the mysterious past of their favorite royal alien parasite inside the body of a giant slug, TCA pilot Ne'ban, last seen being blown to smithereens at the end of Unreal 2.
U3:SS-TAoNB sees the return not only of that giant slug from Unreal 2, but also the dastardly space-clown Mr. Crow, first seen in Unreal Tournament 2003 and often described as a cross between Michael Jackson and a swiss army knife.
"Mr. Crow is the ****." said Lead Designer Biff Cleszinski, "I mean seriously, who'd want to **** with an undead space clown with a giant codpiece, a hat made of human flesh and spiky blades of death on the end of each finger. He's the perfect villain, and makes the Skaarj queen look like a lovable little kitten."
The highly-anticipated sequel will feature intricate, story-driven non-linear gameplay, allowing a gamers to take an infinite number of paths through the adventure. "Basically, you go around collecting Nali Rabbits" said Producer Peeve Stolge, "but our writers are working on a compelling story that will take players on an emotional roller-coaster ride, climaxing with the death of our hero's only friends at the end of the game... again. Dang."
The game's first half, according to Mr. Stolge, centers around "Ne'ban trying to find the 235 Nail rabbits hidden around the planet Varkon 7 within about 18 hours, or he will be attacked by a salt-wielding Mr. Crow, who is secretly hiding the rabbits in an attempt to draw Ne'ban closer to him so he can salt him, sautee him, and serve him with a little bit of white wine sauce, a sprig of amazingly-lifelike parsley and some escargot." Mr. Stolge then ate a donut.
U3:SS-TAoNB will feature streamlined single-player action, taking a break from previous Unreal titles... "We wanted to create a game that would both engross the player and get rid of the fat," designer Derek Trams said "Unreal 2's failures seemed to be that it had too much "stuff" to do, and not enough pure rabid carnage." First to go on this list of "stuff" is the unpopular jumping feature that plagued players of Unreal II: The Awakening. Unreal 3's Lead Level Designer Biff Cleszinski has a simple answer to any disgruntled fans... "He's a ****ing slug, dip****s! Since when can slugs ****ing jump? Jesus H mother****ing Christ, no wonder you guys didn't get Bombing Run, you're all ****ing retards!"
Key Game Features Include:
* A blast from the past! Popular locations such as that underwater maze bit from Unreal 1, that foggy forest level from Unreal II: The Awakening and the enigmatic DM-Pyramid from Unreal Tournament are back!
* Epic Games' patented SlugFart(tm) technology. When his health drops below 25%, our hero has the ability to rely on extreme flatulence to defend himself from foes. Activated similarly to UT2004's adrenaline combos, SlugFart launches Ne'ban into the air, obliterating anything below him with noxious gas.
* Estimated 1000 paths through the game, each with the main character being blown to smithereens at the end.
* Intense first-person shooter action across 60 unique and laggy alien worlds.
* Play as Ne'ban the Space Slug and save the lovable little Nali Rabbits, or play as Mr. Crow the evil Space Clown and sacrifice them to Satan for bonus points!
* Intense multiplayer action! Play against your friends as either Ne'ban or Mr. Crow!
Unreal 3: Slug Saga - The Adventures of Ne'ban is expected to arrive on PC and Xbox 2 this holiday season, and carries an ESRB rating of "M" for "m0tarded".
After you read this, i would like to remind you what date we have today
Original post can be found: http://www.beyondunreal.com/
