Discussion in 'Prophecies of -BoD-' started by Natsi, Aug 26, 2002.
Nutters knew that the only way to get to know where the book was located was to shag this erm... thing. Once again lil nutters wankinhood remembered what his swedish fellows-in-horizontal-mambo had taught him. "There can never be too much of the one and only Swedish Uni-Lube. As nutters was to start his horrid job an angel of destruction descended from the skies and with great bloodshed he chopped off aukelines middle fingers. "You are now saved my brave wankeres, the fingers of aukeline will guide you to the holy book of 9999 wanking techniques..."
that was close
Wow thank heavens for that angel, even if it meant a destructive one. Shagging Aukeline, even with the infamous uni-lube and lots of it, would have meant an ordeal that would have scarred lil'Nutsy Wankinghood for the rest of his life. Mentally and probably also physically. Happy to have escaped this one they went on to continue their quest. The middle fingers guiding them South.
And on they went through the country, hardly worth mentioning, South of the country with all them friendly Americans. Then they heard weird sounds, was that a bugle, guitar, trompet? Was this the eons old country of the golden taco?
Strange people with big hats walked around, they drank a golden drink. It was the holy golden servas water. They looked around for a sign of the book. Could it be here? The dynamic duo decided to wait till nightfall and then they would go outside the village and visit the very old ruined temple to pay respect to the gods of wanking.
After holding the tool of the trade for a while, almost at the climax of their worshipping they heard a strange sound. A whaling from insdie the ruined temple......
The ground started shaking as the moan from beyond started getting louder and louder. The two brave crusaders had to stop their worshipping due to the loss of contact with the Earth. So they slowly apporoached the temple ruins in order to find out whether it was the ghost of aukelines fingers making that loud moaning. but, no it was something far more fierce. Suddenly the two remember how the noices reminded them of the camp of the rednecks... might them twisted rednecks taken control of the spiritual life of this fair country, too?
Slowly with their swords draw they apporoached whatever they might confront in the lair...
inside they found to their asstonishment an old woman, lady would not really be the right word here. She was beyond ugly, old and moaning. She was performing some kind of ritual. Her crooked arms spread out, looking up to the moon her blood red eyes opened, foam on her mouth and other stuff drooping out of her nose. 'Mhuuuu hmmmmmm hmmmmm prrrrrrrr frrrrrrrr hmmmmmmmmaaa'
Her moaning became louder and louder, she began to twist and twitch. Finally she gave a loud shriek, vommited and fell over backwards. Knock out. The two fierce warriors wondered what she had been doing, was she dead?
Slowly the happy approached the woman... being a cautious man he picked up a long wooden stick from the temple shrine. Just as brother Happy having carefully examined the old woman's groce face just to notice that she was still barely breathing touched the old woman with the stick the stick started to glow and became very hot...
Suddenly another angel descended from the skies. "Your destine is doomed" shouted the angel. "If you use this fair old lady for your guest for such cradle of filth as wanking book, you'll be doomed"
Greatly irritated by the winged bitching creatures existence, lil nutsy wankinghood cleared his voice and shouted:
"Voi vittu, can't you just sod off, we need no angels that cut no fingers for christs sake" shouted nutters with an irritated. "Wanking is a great sport but little you flying androgyno know about that"
Then a great bolt of lightning cae from the skies but...
...the bolt of lighting did anything but strike our two fierce crusaders. No, the bolt hit the winged bitcher instead!
A loud voice like thunder came from the skies:
"'Tis not given to winged androgynes to judge the habits and sports of the three-legged, thus yu0 have now been sentenced to The Fire Below and eternal damnation!!!! Your infinity in tormen shall be twice as terrible 'cos no-one really ever liked that bitching nagging of yours!"
With that thunder and crackle the angel was sent down in to the abyss, granite sealing behind it.
Fierce Crusaders looked up in to the clear skies, down to the cold stone, shrugged, and continued poking the old woman.
still poking the old women
'good heavens' said the Happy One, 'good thing that winged bitch is gone for good now, always interfering with our good work'. And he poked the old wrench a few times more. 'Out cold and barely breathing, shes very lucky that we are not into kinky stuff' said Nutsy lil'Wankinghood.
'Yes she is realy realy lucky, your name should not be lil'Wankinghood Nuts!' said the happy One. 'I think from now on, from what we've seen it would be righteous, just and fair, and definatively more accurate, to call you: "Nutsy Hung like a Horse" you think you can handle that?'
Nutsy thought for a long time
hung like a horse, eh?
and happys name become
Happy Big Eagle Blower,
no my name is The Happy One and we all know why
because u lack the muscles required to frown?
Separate names with a comma.