Ive always loved this 1
northern accent required
There’s a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That’s noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. & Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert their son
A grand little lad was young Albert
All dressed in his best, quite a swell
With a stick with an horse's head handle
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.
They didn’t think much to the ocean
The waves they was fiddling and small
There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
So seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they’d lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
And he lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of his face on the bars
Now Albert had heard about lions
How they was ferocious and wild
And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well it didn’t seem right to the child
So straight way the brave little fellow
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with his horse's head handle
And pushed it in Wallace’s ear.
You could see that the lion didn’t like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallowed the little lad whole.
Then Pa who had seen the occurrence
And didn’t know what to do next
Said "Mother, yon lions et Albert"
And Mother said, "Well, I am vexed".
Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Quite rightly when all’s said and done
Complained to the animal keeper
That the lion had eaten their son
The keeper was quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap,
Are you sure that it’s your boy he’s eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There’s his cap"
The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "What’s to do?"
Pa said, "Yon lions et Albert,
And him in his Sunday clothes too"
Then mother said, "Right's right young feller,
I think it’s a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we’d paid to come in"
The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying, "How much to settle the matter?"
Pa said, "What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No, someone’s got to be summonsed"
So that was decided upon.
Then off they went to P’lice station
In front of the magistrate chap
They told him what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.
The magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazing
And "Thank you so kindly" said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions, Not Me !!".
Marriott Edgar
northern accent required
There’s a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That’s noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. & Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert their son
A grand little lad was young Albert
All dressed in his best, quite a swell
With a stick with an horse's head handle
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.
They didn’t think much to the ocean
The waves they was fiddling and small
There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
So seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they’d lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
And he lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of his face on the bars
Now Albert had heard about lions
How they was ferocious and wild
And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well it didn’t seem right to the child
So straight way the brave little fellow
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with his horse's head handle
And pushed it in Wallace’s ear.
You could see that the lion didn’t like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallowed the little lad whole.
Then Pa who had seen the occurrence
And didn’t know what to do next
Said "Mother, yon lions et Albert"
And Mother said, "Well, I am vexed".
Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Quite rightly when all’s said and done
Complained to the animal keeper
That the lion had eaten their son
The keeper was quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap,
Are you sure that it’s your boy he’s eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There’s his cap"
The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "What’s to do?"
Pa said, "Yon lions et Albert,
And him in his Sunday clothes too"
Then mother said, "Right's right young feller,
I think it’s a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we’d paid to come in"
The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying, "How much to settle the matter?"
Pa said, "What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No, someone’s got to be summonsed"
So that was decided upon.
Then off they went to P’lice station
In front of the magistrate chap
They told him what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.
The magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazing
And "Thank you so kindly" said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions, Not Me !!".
Marriott Edgar
