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Literature

Discussion in 'Graceland' started by Butterfinger, Apr 2, 2002.

  1. Butterfinger

    Butterfinger Member

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    :bah:

    It's the first day of school after the Summer Holidays and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

    The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

    The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

    Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

    The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

    He blushed and said, "I'm sorry I lied, but my dad plays football for Spurs and I was just too embarrassed to say."
     
  2. Tnega

    Tnega Chairman Of The Council Of Soup Samplers

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    The next day the teacher is asking the class to form a sentance with the word 'contagious' in it. Wee Jimmys hand is the only one raised so she asks him to tell the whole class.
    'Well miss', says Jimmy, 'My next door neighbor got a delivery of dung for his garden dropped at his front gate, and it took this cunt ages to lift it'.
     
  3. Butterfinger

    Butterfinger Member

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  4. Tnega

    Tnega Chairman Of The Council Of Soup Samplers

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    :D



    film @ 11.
     
  5. DraizeTrain

    DraizeTrain UT's Official Corrie Street Aficionado

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    One day, a man walks into a antique shop in London. Looking around, he notices a life-sized bronze sculpture of a cat in a dark corner. The sculpture is so intriguing, he decides he must buy it and asks the shopkeeper the price.

    "Twelve pounds for the cat, sir," the shopkeeper tells him, "and 100 pounds for the story that goes with it." "I'll take the cat," says the man, "but you can keep the story."

    The transaction completed, the man leaves the store with the bronze cat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two cats emerge from an alley and fall into step behind him.
    Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another alley, more cats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two streets, at least a hundred cats are at his heels, and people are beginning to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of cats swarm from alleys, basements, and abandoned cars. Many hundreds of cats are now at his heels, and as he sees the river at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full pelt. No matter how fast he runs, the cats keep up, hissing insanely, now not just hundreds, but thousands. He looks up and sees that he is running towards the edge of the River Thames, and the trail of cats is now several hundred yards long behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a lamppost, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze cat into the river. Clinging to the lamppost, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of cats surges over the banks into the river, where they drown. Amazed and almost dumbstruck, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

    "Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the shopkeeper.
    "No" says the man, "I was wondering if you have a bronze Man U fan".
     
  6. Muttley

    Muttley New Member

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  7. Pea¢eMaker

    Pea¢eMaker «]KAN[»

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  8. Butterfinger

    Butterfinger Member

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    :rofl:

    hahahaha!!!
     
  9. Haggis

    Haggis New Member

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    A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

    His father says, "No...how old?"

    He says, "I'm eleven!"

    He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

    She says, "Come closer..."

    She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

    She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

    He says, "How could you tell?"

    She says, "I heard you tell your father."


    :cow:
     
  10. Tnega

    Tnega Chairman Of The Council Of Soup Samplers

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  11. Pea¢eMaker

    Pea¢eMaker «]KAN[»

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