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Lets Have A Joke Thread

Discussion in '=]DoG[= General' started by Ðeadßoy, Jul 2, 2002.

  1. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
     
  2. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    I was down the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

    Anyway, she's made a formal complaint and I've been banned for life......................
     
  3. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    When I was little my daddy would put me inside big tyres and roll me down a hill for fun. Those were goodyears :)
     
  4. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    I'm in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I
    would most like to do with her body.

    Apparently "Identify it" was not the answer she had in mind.
     
  5. Bossk

    Bossk spammer extrordinare

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    :lol: Hehe some good ones.
     
  6. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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    ‎3 blokes were captured by female amazon savages...... :((
    *
    They were told their penises shall be removed in a manner that is appropriate to their jobs....
    *
    The first bloke was a tree lopper, so his will be chopped off...
    *
    The second bloke was a poor butcher, so his shall be sliced off....
    *
    The third bloke starts bending over laughing his arse off....
    *
    "What's so bloody funny??" Asked amazon savage Sheila,
    *
    "I work for Dyson." He promptly replied..
     
  7. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

    To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

    She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher".
     
  8. /\/uts

    /\/uts harhar:)

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    :rofl: good one
     
  9. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    I came home from work and found a note from my girlfriend on teh 'fridge.

    "It's not working, I can't take it any more. I'm going home to Mum"

    I opened the 'fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell is she going on about?
     
  10. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

    "No," I said.

    She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

    "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

    "No," I said.

    She gave me another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

    "Now," she said, "have you ever seen 40,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

    "No," I said, intrigued.

    "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
     
  11. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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    ITALIAN VIRGIN

    Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.

    Her mother reassured her;

    'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

    Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

    So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest..'

    'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests.
    Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

    So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

    'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

    So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

    Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'
     
  12. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" The woman says, "No, fuck off." The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."
     
  13. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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