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Lets Have A Joke Thread

Discussion in '=]DoG[= General' started by Ðeadßoy, Jul 2, 2002.

  1. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Simple Test for Love & Affection:

    Put your wife in room & lock it
    ...
    Put your dog in another room & lock it.

    Open both of them after 1hr & see who is happy to see you.
     
  2. Vitz¥^

    Vitz¥^ =]死か栄光[=

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  3. Cyborg

    Cyborg I am the liquor

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    Last one was brilliant :rofl:
     
  4. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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  5. Quasi^

    Quasi^ Me.

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    Location:
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    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

    'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

    'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
     
  6. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

    He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
     
  7. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she
    wasn't pleased when i came back and gave her some Slimming Pills
     
  8. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes
     
  9. Thrasher (_!_)

    Thrasher (_!_) =]死か栄光[=

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    looool you velly funnee man!
     
  10. Snuggs

    Snuggs Che, Mr. Obscure

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    :wave: scrote n´ thrash :D
     
  11. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    I took my girlfriend out for dinner last night. Everyone started shouting 'paedo' at me because I'm 50 and she's 19.

    It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.
     
  12. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    This morning I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looking very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
     
  13. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Someone anonymously sent me a giant box of Lego. I'm not sure what to make of it.
     
  14. Cyborg

    Cyborg I am the liquor

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    :lol: nice ones

    Slightly lame:

    What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
    Nothing, you already told her twice.
     
  15. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    A wee boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?"

    "Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark!"
     
  16. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Man finds a little boy lost and crying in Asda so asks "what's your mummy like?" the boy replies "Big cocks and Bacardi Breezers"
     
  17. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    A blonde, brunette and a redhead get into the office lift and notice a white sticky patch on the wall.

    "Looks like spunk" said the brunette
    "Smells like spunk" said the redhead

    The blonde puts her finger in the sticky patch, licks her finger and said "Well, it's nobody from our office"
     
  18. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    What should you give a woman who has everything?
    A man to show her how to work it.
     
  19. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    A blonde gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy on the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him "You ok?" she says. "Yes" he says. "You can play with the other kids you know". "It's best i stay here" he says. "Why?" says the blonde. The boy says "Because i'm the fucking goalie."
     
  20. Sullen_Scrota

    Sullen_Scrota Administrator

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    Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
    Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
    Wife: 'Yes or no.'