The SAS, the army and the police decide to go on a survival weekend
together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises, the
trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods
and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the
ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5
minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit,
shot cleanly through the forehead.
"Excellent" says the trainer.
Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover
themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the
woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the
woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand
grenades and blood-curdling war cries.
Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs,
whistling "Dixon of Dock Green". For the next few hours, the silence
is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra
Oscar lemur one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what
seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night turns to day.
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by
the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
"Are you taking the micky?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The
police team leader shoots a glance and nudges the squirrel, who
squeaks, "Alright!! Alright!! I'm a rabbit!!"
together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises, the
trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods
and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the
ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5
minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit,
shot cleanly through the forehead.
"Excellent" says the trainer.
Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover
themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the
woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the
woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand
grenades and blood-curdling war cries.
Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs,
whistling "Dixon of Dock Green". For the next few hours, the silence
is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra
Oscar lemur one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what
seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night turns to day.
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by
the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
"Are you taking the micky?" asks the seriously irate trainer. The
police team leader shoots a glance and nudges the squirrel, who
squeaks, "Alright!! Alright!! I'm a rabbit!!"
