Joke Time

  • Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!

    Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.

A blonde walks into a shop and says rather loudly
"CAN I HAVE A PORTION OF CHIPS AND A SAUSAGE PLEASE?"
The woman behind the counter looks puzzled and then says
"Im sorry madam, this is a library!"
The blonde seems rather embarrassed and replies in a whisper
"sorry, may I have portion of chips and a sausage please!"
 
Mr Smith has no legs and he was waiting for the bus to
come and pick him up at his house. Soon the bus came and
the doors of the bus opened and the bus driver says to
Mr Smith, Good morning Mr Smith, how are you getting on.
 
An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary,
so they decided to return to the little town where they first met.
They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the
waitress about their love for each other and how they met at this
same spot.
Sitting next to them was the local cop and he smiled as the old
couple spoke.
After the waitress left the table, the old man said to his wife,
“Remember the first time we made love, it was up in that field
across the road, when I put you against the fence.
Why don’t we do it again for old times sake?”

The wife giggled like crazy and said, “Excellent, why not.”

So off they went, out the door and across to the field. The cop
smiled to himself, thinking how romantic this was and decided he
better keep an eye on the couple so they didn’t run into any harm.

The old couple walked to the field and as they approached the fence
they began to undress. The old man picked up his wife when they were
naked and leaned her against the fence.

The cop was watching from the bushes and was surprised at what he
saw. The wife was bouncing around and the husband was jumping up and
down until about 5 minutes later when they both fell to the ground.
They lay there a minute, got up and shook themselves and got
dressed.

As they walked back towards the road, the cop jumped out and said,
“That is the most wonderful love making I have ever seen. You must
have been a wild couple when you were young.”

“Not really,” said the old man, “when we were young, that fence
wasn’t electric.”
 
A blonde said that she was getting tired of men telling DUMB Blonde jokes, and promised to give the next man telling a dumb blond joke, a piece of her mind. At lunch time she went to a restraunt with a friend of hers and as they sat waiting to be served they heard some men at the next table telling dumb blonde jokes.
Immediately she stood up and yelled at the two men$ "I will have you guys to know, that all blondes are not dumb, as a matter of fact I am a very well educated blond and have even received a Doctorate degree from college."
Oh is that so, one of the men replied. "Then why don't you tell us the capital of Wyoming?"
She replied immediately, " That's easy...W!"
 
That age old poser.....beer or pussy?

The Beer vs. Pussy Debate



A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.
 
i saw this joke on a site and i thought it was a very shit 1:

In sympathy with the Taleban, it has just been announced
that the IRA have hijacked a blimp and are trying to
crash it into Canary Wharf.

In addition and in the wake of the Attack on America,
the Irish Government have issued a directive to their
Special Forces in accordance with the American Coalition
and as such seized and shot all the Afgans at Battersea
Dogs Home.

As a special promotion, American Airlines now offer a new
direct flight route. An AA spokesman commented "why waste
time at the airport when American Airlines now flies
directly to your office".

Islamic leaders are pleading their faith as a religion of
peace. A piece of building here and a piece of airplane
there.


some ppl these days think that jokes like this r funny:mad::(