OAP Top Tips

  • Hey - turns out IRC is out and something a little more modern has taken it's place... A little thing called Discord!

    Join our community @ https://discord.gg/JuaSzXBZrk for a pick-up game, or just to rekindle with fellow community members.

DraizeTrain

UT's Official Corrie Street Aficionado
Jun 8, 2001
1,595
0
Internal Exile
I find that smearing a small amount of butter on the bog seat last thing at night, stops my wrinklie legs sticking to its cold cold surface first thing in the morning...



...:|
 
I choose not to waste butter in that fashion.
I find it makes a splendid lubricant for the years "jolly up" with Maude;)
 
If finding it difficult to see your way to the outside privvy in your twighlight years, there is a simple solution.

Simply urinate on your sleeping spouse and when he/she wakes up call him/her an incontinent old bastard/bitch that should be put in a home.
 
what you havent got a bag fitted ?

my top tip of the day after ironing turn off iron let it cool a little the use to get wrinkles out of skin saves face lifts
 
Want to look young and trendy?
Simply get one of those baseball caps, cut off the peak and sew it on the back! Now you can 'hang' with the youngsters.
 
If you're always putting your glasses down and forgetting where they are - or worse! Sitting on them- try this: Take the lenses out and glue them in the wrinkles around your rheumy eyes.

Hey! Cheap contact lenses!
 
Footware Upkeep

Ive managed to maintain the same pair of crusty...i mean trusty old boots for the last 30 yrs. My secret? Gammon steaks. Cut a steak into the shape of the sole of ur foot and place in the sun for a couple of days. This really toughens it up, then place inside to plug that annoying worn hole. Its far cheaper than a cobblers and u can eat the left-over meat :)
 
I find that placing a large book on my right arm while playing UT an immense help in preventing "Parkinson's Shake" which can truly fuck up launches on Frigate.
 
a launch is what you eat at noon

it's tax deductable of you do it outside work, during office hours


my nurse never lets me go out tho ;)
 
Thx Huey for dragging up this ancient but useful thread after a year. I guess the rest of the ole timers just forgot about it.
 
ut related tip; to prevent falling asleep in matches, buy a forcefeedback device, and wire the power to the motor directly to your testicles
 
Dog said:
ut related tip; to prevent falling asleep in matches, buy a forcefeedback device, and wire the power to the motor directly to your testicles

hmmmm /me see's an marketing idea for force feedback bondage vids